Friday, March 30, 2007

I like this guy..

I've become a stat junkie over the last months, though I'm trying to wean myself away from that screen.

But this popped up as a search term yesterday "Help my wife feel more sensual".


Seriously though, good on that man (assuming it was a man of course - I'm nothing if not sexually liberal) for seeing a problem and wanting to find a solution. How many other men could you say the same of? I say men here because, when it comes down to it, women are the 'fixer's', it's just the way we are. But like anything there are exceptions to the rule.

Too often people get caught in the 'well it's not my fault' rut, when in fact yes it is your fault as well as your partners. Hell, we're all guilty of it at some point - humans can be very selfish beings.

I say that both parties are at fault because neither of them have turned and said 'when you do X it makes me feel bad/angry/upset/insignificant/lonely/worthless etc etc etc. I'll cite myself as a point in case.

Recently my sex life has been, well fairly non-existent unless I was writing it. Hubby was having problems...ahh... (how ironic, giving what I do for a living, I'm strapped for words)...lets say, reaching a climactic conclusion.

Now most days my sense of self worth is right up there, but I'm not a small person, I always have a niggling question in the back of my mind that he's going to turn round someday and tell me he's found himself a size 8 skinny girl (This is totally unfounded FYI), and that he's gone cold on the idea of me. I think this is a fairly rational niggle - for me it's fat/skinny, someone else it will be dumb/intelligent, ugly/pretty etc etc. However this perfectly normal niggle got a little bit bigger when this started happening. Then got a bit bigger again when it kept happening, till I got to a point where I said to myself I was being totally irrational and I had to say something.

Turns out he was as worried as me, but for a different reason. He thought he might have a prostate problem. He kept envisaging the big C - cancer.

Now that it was out in the open, he went to the doctor the next day to get some tests done. Turns out he had an infection (no not that kind of infection!). A round of antibiotics later, and his groin didn't hurt and waddaya know, everything's in working order again. Simple.

And so easily solvable months ago! If either one of us had said something sooner, we wouldn't have internalized the problem and let it become more than what it was(okay, I wouldn't have thought it more than what it was).

Sure, this was a medical issue, but the same reasoning still applies in other situations: you don't like the way he or she does X, say so and show them the way you do like it. The way he smells at the end of the day makes you gag, and he gets angry when you constantly put off a little pre-dinner nooky? Easy, tell him to get in that shower, heck, join him in the shower. The same can be reversed for women - face it at the end of the day, we don't smell like daisies and roses down there either, of course he doesn't want to stick his nose in it! Your wife doesn't seem at all interested in sex? What medication is she on? Talk about being a passion killer - even the pill, taken so you can indulge safely at the drop of a hat, can kill a woman's libido.

And seriously, 'lay back and think of mother england', is so not a happening thing - that's bad selfish! All that mess for no personal gain, I don't think so!

1 comment:

Emily Veinglory said...

I admit to having a look at the search terms each day. However one today was "virtuous women aren't raped"--WTF? Others mention both the word "child" and the word "sex". That may be enough to put an end to my curiousity for a while.