I like this guy..

I've become a stat junkie over the last months, though I'm trying to wean myself away from that screen.

But this popped up as a search term yesterday "Help my wife feel more sensual".

GO DUDE!

Seriously though, good on that man (assuming it was a man of course - I'm nothing if not sexually liberal) for seeing a problem and wanting to find a solution. How many other men could you say the same of? I say men here because, when it comes down to it, women are the 'fixer's', it's just the way we are. But like anything there are exceptions to the rule.

Too often people get caught in the 'well it's not my fault' rut, when in fact yes it is your fault as well as your partners. Hell, we're all guilty of it at some point - humans can be very selfish beings.

I say that both parties are at fault because neither of them have turned and said 'when you do X it makes me feel bad/angry/upset/insignificant/lonely/worthless etc etc etc. I'll cite myself as a point in case.

Recently my sex life has been, well fairly non-existent unless I was writing it. Hubby was having problems...ahh... (how ironic, giving what I do for a living, I'm strapped for words)...lets say, reaching a climactic conclusion.

Now most days my sense of self worth is right up there, but I'm not a small person, I always have a niggling question in the back of my mind that he's going to turn round someday and tell me he's found himself a size 8 skinny girl (This is totally unfounded FYI), and that he's gone cold on the idea of me. I think this is a fairly rational niggle - for me it's fat/skinny, someone else it will be dumb/intelligent, ugly/pretty etc etc. However this perfectly normal niggle got a little bit bigger when this started happening. Then got a bit bigger again when it kept happening, till I got to a point where I said to myself I was being totally irrational and I had to say something.

Turns out he was as worried as me, but for a different reason. He thought he might have a prostate problem. He kept envisaging the big C - cancer.

Now that it was out in the open, he went to the doctor the next day to get some tests done. Turns out he had an infection (no not that kind of infection!). A round of antibiotics later, and his groin didn't hurt and waddaya know, everything's in working order again. Simple.

And so easily solvable months ago! If either one of us had said something sooner, we wouldn't have internalized the problem and let it become more than what it was(okay, I wouldn't have thought it more than what it was).

Sure, this was a medical issue, but the same reasoning still applies in other situations: you don't like the way he or she does X, say so and show them the way you do like it. The way he smells at the end of the day makes you gag, and he gets angry when you constantly put off a little pre-dinner nooky? Easy, tell him to get in that shower, heck, join him in the shower. The same can be reversed for women - face it at the end of the day, we don't smell like daisies and roses down there either, of course he doesn't want to stick his nose in it! Your wife doesn't seem at all interested in sex? What medication is she on? Talk about being a passion killer - even the pill, taken so you can indulge safely at the drop of a hat, can kill a woman's libido.

And seriously, 'lay back and think of mother england', is so not a happening thing - that's bad selfish! All that mess for no personal gain, I don't think so!

Life...it tends to get in the way

No, not in that I don't want to be here anymore suicide kinda way. More like the 'for crap sake give me a break' kinda way. I hadn't realised I hadn't blogged since Wednesday, but thems the breaks when things need to get done, they just need to get done.

I have tile! YAY! that means when they start demolition tomorrow on my bathrooms, that I have everything bar lights for the master bath all sorted - I can sit back and relax and let them get on with giving my rooms a makeover. Of course, that means I now have to go do the horrid deed of clearing out my bathroom and bedroom so they can get in and out without tripping up on dirty underwear. Tile = good. Dirty undergarments = bad.

I decided to make a change in my array of geek paraphernalia - my sister is buying my laptop from me, and I'm going to give Mac a try. I do a lot of photography stuff that I hear is much better to do on a Mac, and frankly Vista scares me. Plus, I'm succumbing to the groovy "Hi I'm a Mac." "and I'm a PC" advertising - sue me. I like my tech. Of course I might up-end that idea and get a tablet or something else cool and trendy, who knows!

Mac and Chik-fil-a - the best advertising campaigns this side of the black stump! Truly they are - cows selling chicken burgers - you have to be a bit nutty to come up with that. And the calendars - I loved last years take on history.

But until the bathrooms are finished, and I actually pony up up some revenue from my sewing (honeybkids on eBay), I'm stuck with the older than the hills (ie 3yrs old), not quite cutting it with the processing power, desk top. But it does have an ergo keyboard - a true blessing for those of us with fibro.

But now, I best get back to that bedroom, and some editing. No matter how hard I try, closing my eyes, spinning anticlockwise 4 times and repeating "please let the house work be done" with the regularity of a Tibetan monk, it still never miraculously is done when I walk back in the room.

Tailspin

I'm not usually one to wax lyrical over authors and their books, mainly because I read so many. I have read many that touched me, made me laugh or cry, and of course many that were in between. Many memorable, and a lot of them not - although they were a satisfactory read at the time.

I picked up a few new ebooks yesterday. Read the whole damn lot of them to - my eyes feel like someone stabbed them with a fork - and have finally found an eBook that I can safely say I will read again by the end of the month.

Denise Rossetti's Tailspin.

I read the first book of this series, Gift of the Goddess and it, too, was a wonderful read, but Tailspin, Oh my Lord! This chick gets her tongue around some vivid, vivid imagery - and I'm not talking about kinky sex here. Although the sex is hot, I won't deny it - I'm about to run off for a cold shower, wishing I had a spare tail hanging around.

There is no way you could ever call this a bare bones, leave you lots of space to fill in your own details, kind of book. No way, just none. You understand every sense, every touch - Jesus, I can feel how Mirry and Jan's feathers would feel beneath my hands as I oiled them down! And this is with me reading 1/3 of the book close to stoned needing sleep, but not being able to move from the computer screen because it was too good! See why I need to re-read this?

I am all about being able to see the images the words make in my head; experience them - hopefully I reverse that loop when I write, I'm not sure I always succeed, and it's probably at a detriment to dialogue as so much happens in my Characters heads - in Tailspin I can see, hear and almost taste Ms Rossetti story. The deep black of Jan's feathers glistening with swirls of abalone, Mirry's old gold and copper burnish...mmm mm m!

Read the Gift of the Goddess first, it will help with a few of those pesky world building things, and explain a reference or two - that's not to say that you just get dumped in the middle of somewhere with no information, just that you deserve to go from really good, to even better!

Menage lover (which you can tell I am by my writing) or not, you can't miss these books. I have had a few hit and misses from EC lately, one short so horrible I can't and don't want to remember the name of; but this, oh yes, quake in your books top selling print authors, there is a new girl in town and if she doesn't get snaffled up in a New York minute by a major house I'll bury all the batteries so my Rabbit never works again!

13 things not to put in a Romance Novel

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Feck feckity feck feck

Murphies Friggin law, 30 mins after I send out a huge bulk email about changing urls annedougls.com is back working again. WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT!

ARGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I give up! I HATE the internets!

So the long story short - both www.annedouglas.com is working again, but so will hotspicylove.com.

New web url

I am still holding out hopes for annedouglas.com, but until then www.hotspicylove.com is live and running. Still being worked on some, but alive and running and backed up!

So pop over and have a look, tell me if you love it or hate it.

Ranty McRant!

So, I'm a Kiwi right - home of the corner diary (like a 7/11 for the USA folks) that is owned by Indians . Asians have the takeway shops, and us white folk (said with tongue in cheek here people) have McDonald franchises. So all in all, from all this, and years of being in customer service based roles, I shouldn't have a problem understanding thickly accented english...right?

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WRONG. GO to the back of the line!

70, read'em, seventy fucking minutes waiting for a person to answer the phone. Then 10 mins of near silence while the guy tried to look at shit. Then 10 mins of me not understanding a word he said and STILL not knowing if my domain name will start working correctly and actually point to my website anytime soon.

He said something about forwarding (which I wasn't trying to do), then tech department, and an hour.

Now, I have nothing against the Indian dude at the call center. He's trying to do his job and is probably just as frustrated trying to deal with people who are ready to tear his face off after 70mins waiting on hold. FFS why, WHY are all call centers being shipped off overseas where they are hiring people, who are no doubt good at their jobs, but can't speak a clear freaking word of ENGLISH?

Main website still down...

But I have a query ticket in now! Heres hoping it gets sorted out fast.

In the mean time I am working on updating the site to a new template. Just got work on the graphics so they fit (when I do get it all back up and running again!).

I am also working on the new Authors of Erotic Romance site. Very much a work in progress, but hopefully we should have some interesting things up for new and old readers and authors alike! Give us a few weeks to get everything live.

New excerpts from Tea for Three

In an effort to get sorted before the new year, I have a list. Yup, a list of things that I need to get done, so I can start off the new year right.

I also have a shit show in hell of getting everything on my list done. {insert frustrated sigh here}

Blurbs, cover art requests, ms changes/edits, websites, scrub the kitchen floors, scour the toilet... yup, it's a big list.

I have managed to get my website updated www.annedouglas.com. Since Tea for Three has a contract, It has earned itself a brand spanking new page of its own. There is a great first chapter excerpt, too. (A pretty damn hot one, FYI!)

Now that I have spent the last 3 hours on my ass answering emails and confusing myself with website alterations, I better get up and get to some scrubbing.

Why is it toilets always need scrubbing? Why do men and 6yr olds miss the bowl? You would think they get enough practice wouldn't you?

Thirteen ways to annoy your husband

Thursday thirteen #3

1. It has to come in at the top spot: Hide the remote

2. Use his razor on your legs.

3. Quickly followed by him finding out you used up the last of his shaving foam, too!

4. Use the girly scented fabric softener on his work clothes

5. Throw away all the holey underwear when he's at work - it's not Holy, it's just holey!

6. Get his favourite chair restuffed, and recovered - with Laura Ashley fabric.

7. Organise his 'man space', everything will be hanging in front of his nose and he won't be able to find it.

8. Invite your mother to stay for a week...make sure its on a weekend that a big game is on, and demand you want to go out to eat at the exact time of kick off.

9. Take his rough, tough, manly man dog to the groomers, and bring it home smelling sweet with a bow in it's hair. If you can stretch to a poodle cut, all the better!

10. Make him take your cat for a walk, complete with leash and rhinestone collar.

11. Tune all the preset stations to Chick Rock, Disney and classical. After all if its good enough for your car, its good enough for his truck.

12. His truck - oh the wealth of opportunities! From getting it detailed till it gleams when he has spent 6 months building up off roading grime, all the way to giving it a sunshine yellow paint job. Mary Kay Pink if you're really mean.

13. Take a photo of him asleep in his Laura Ashley chair, with the cat cuddled up to his head and his now foo foo dog at his feet and gleefully send it to all his mates, who will then put it in their wallets to bring out every friday night down at the pub... Priceless!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tidings of the season...

It's Christmas Eve for thsoe of us on this side of the date line, and I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, Cheery Kawaanza, and hope that next year brings you good things.

Looking back over this year, some big things happened. A surprise trip home to NZ, writing my first story, then having it and my second manuscript published, some front teeth missing (well that was the kiddo, not me), starting home renovations (never, never again - getting the professionals in from now on!), and many other good, and of course some not so good things that make the world go around.

Thank you if you are a reader or a publisher, or indeed family or friends for putting up with me over the last year, I promise I will be just as fun next year!

Where did you come from?

I have become a bit of a Stat-aholic with my websites. I have been using the free Bravenet, but also another free service called icerocket to monitor hits, countries they came from traffic times and the like.

What continually surprises me is what people google, and my name comes up...

Furry Ass - what the hell?
Washing hands - okay, I know this relates to my little rant on the evil dishwasher, but who googles washing hands? Doesn't everyone know how to wash their hands?
Relationship love bites hickey - well, this is a little more like it!
Strong erotica for married couples - it looks like these people are trying a little something new to liven up their love life, you go!
Laughing gives you wrinkles - LOL, check out last weeks Thursday 13 to check out why I came up on this.

Thirteen ways to leave your lover...

Thursday thirteen #2

1. Send flowers - Dead Flowers. Nothing says it like flowers

2. Not a flowers kind of person, and prefer to send houseplants? How about a prickly cactus with a sweet love note saying "this is how I think of you in my heart".

3. Stand him up - the new millennium way. Make a date to meet him at a fancy restaurant, also arrange to meet your new love at the same place. Make as if you plan to sit at the table, but waltz on by, and greet your new love by draping your scantily clad body over his and lickin' his lips like hes candy on a stick. Don't gloat unless your new love is of the same sex - only then should you look over and smile and watch his/her dreams of the threesome going swirling down the drain.

4. Set him up on a date...with your gay best friend.

5. Pet allergies huh? Make your feelings known via the SPCA/Humane society, adopt a couple of furry friends and invite him/her over to watch the game/chick flick.

6. Lip gloss - the kind with the flavour he doesn't like. Eventually he will get the hint.

7. Rearrange their stuff. Hide his porn, or even more dastardly - the remote. Never fear, the gals get their comeuppance, too - use her favourite hairbrush on your dog, or that expensive face cream on your jock itch...you won't see her for dust!

8. The Silent Treatment - now this really only works on girls; you know how frustrated we get when you ignore us.

9. Go all Janice on his ass. Remember Janice, Chandler Bing's ex-girlfriend in Friends? And that annoying laugh, only just slightly beating out Nanny Fine's caterwauling? Develop a new annoying vocal habit, use it to good effect during the game. He'll be gone by half time and wont be back!

10. Buy a dildo...with a harness. Then ask him if you can drive tonight. If he says go for it, you might just have to think twice about getting rid of the guy!

11. Be a Momma's boy. When she goes all out with candles and fine food, tell her it doesn't taste as good as what your Momma makes. This is an extreme measure, be prepared to duck flying forks and plates used like a Frisbee.

12. Really want this girl out of your hair? Wear her panties. You might not want to go as far as her bra (they are uncomfortable SOB's), but no woman is going to take you walking around in her finest - especially when it looks better on you!

13. Just slip out the back, jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus. You don't need to discuss much. Just drop off the key, lee. And get yourself free.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Thirteen things about laughter...

Thirteen Things about Laughter

1. It gives you wrinkles - in a good way.

2. Laughter really is the best medicine - Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to a recent study by cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore.

3. Stressed? Go sit in a playground and listen to the kids laughing and find the joy in laughter.

4. Endorphins - Laughter can be as good as sex!

5. Talking about sex...everyone has the odd squelch now and then - don't be ashamed, laugh about it - imagine how much better all the extra endorphins from #4 will make your orgasm!

6. Love = Laughter, if you can't laugh together, what have you got?

7. Did you know that dogs and rats laugh?

8. Laughter is a great work out - so get working on that six pack!

9. Want a better nights sleep? Get in some laughter before nighty night time, and those bedbugs won't be keeping you awake.

10. Who would have thunk it, you can actually get Clown Therapy!

11. Freud...ah Freud where would our psyches be without him "Laughter is an "economical phenomenon" whose function is to release "psychic energy" that has been wrongly mobilised by incorrect or false expectations." Do you have any idea what that means? I don't.

12. Laughter even made it to the Internet - LOL!

13. Just remember; if you can't laugh at yourself, everyone else will.


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Finally!

FB was convinced to read something for me.

Now he has been adamantly refusing to read any of my writing until such time as I could provide him with a lesbian work - just for his reading pleasure (Of course that got my back up, so see if I offer him that manuscript to read if it ever gets written!). So I was most surprised when I asked him to read over a current WIP (no gay sex in this one, he wouldn't touch that with a barge pole), he actually did. Then came back to me and said, "hey, this isn't half bad!". The surprise in his voice was most uncomplimentary, but I decided to be the better person and gracefully said thank you.

I will say that FB does put up with a hell of a lot of my burbling about writing, publishing, and general smack talk about things I want to do, but haven't quite got there yet with. Usually with the same aplomb as I deal with music talk...ahum, yeah, really? wow! that's interesting...so it was quite surprising when FB then says "so now that they have got together, what is going to happen? That is only the start of the story...right?"

Rutt Ro! Only the start of the story? Shit...this was supposed to be halfway through the story. (The original aim had been to submit it for the Amber Heatwave contest, then I thought maybe instead I would submit it for the Elloras 2008 Quickies since the heroine is named Pearl, and wears pearls as she is supposed to be a prissy preppy prude) "Half way through? Oh no, definitely not, there's way more story you can add after this. You need to find a bad guy, or maybe you can give this Grand Dame lady some evil plot - that shes manipulating The Magic somehow because she has secret plans for their offspring or something."

Bloody hell...not only have I got to come up with another 30k+ words I need to figure out a sneaky plot when this was supposed to be a short and sweet story? Did we just jump from lesbian porn to legitimate suggestions in one giant, big leap?

Oh, we didn't...FB is still waiting on the lesbian porn...

Another weekend gone...

And the end of the year has crept another week closer.

I got to thinking (I know, I know...I used my brain?) about this last year, and what I have or haven't achieved.

It definitely has been a different year than I had thought it might be at this time last year. It was in about a months time that I sat down to pen my first tale...ever! Then in March I had a contract, and July my first book published. Quite a feat, considering that until I typed out

Wild Blue was the local bi/gay dance club—a place where she felt right at home since her two best friends, who happened to be men, were also lovers.

actually becoming an author was just one of those things in the 'wouldn't that be nice pile'. Although I consider myself artsy crafty, and mildly witty at times, writing was in the same place as my desire to one day learn ancient Hebrew and read the dead sea scrolls - most likely to happen when Pink Pig airlines took to the skies.

But somewhere along the way I tried something new. I took the time to try make one of those pipe dreams a reality and look ... I made it happen.

Okay, I wrote it, polished it, then sent it off and the wise folks at Loose Id saw the potential and made the final product happen, but still...I made it happen. As my friends would say, I now write chick porn and get paid for it. (Damn it, when will they realise it's erotic romance!!)

I know that there are writers who have suffered for years trying to do the same thing - get published that is, not write chick porn... err... erotic romance - who feel the need to write as if its a disease in their blood (sort of like the way Pepsi calls to me in the middle of the night like a bad vamp movie where you scream "No! Don't do it, the bad mans out there! He will suck your blood and kill you all dead to the dead!" (Bad C movie screenplay courtesy of FB, the king of really bad one liners)). But they aren't the target of this little diatribe. They are already trying to make their pipe dream a reality (although their pipe dream might need a little bit of a revamp), they are the ones already taking a risk. My target is the rest of you who dream your dreams, then moan about how they aren't ever going to come true.

When life hands you lemons, make lemon meringue pie people! Get out there, take one of those pipe dreams and give it a try. It might be a screaming pile of poo's (another FB classic), but you gave it a try. We have approximately 85 years on this planet, with no guarantee of any form of afterlife, make the most of what you have now. Don't just think out of the box, take a great big sledgehammer and smash the damn thing wide open, get out there and live your life the way you want it.

And maybe, now that I have made one potential possibility a reality, I might just hunt out a Rabbi and figure out who I have to screw to get my greedy mitts on the precursor to the bible.

Calling David Waner!

I got something in the mail for you today, Mr Waner. And aren't you a bad, bad man! I know what you get up to in the loo while you are "thinking". I can tell you, right now, those Victoria Secret models... they really, really don't like having their pages stuck together like that.

Eww...dude I dont know who you are, and since you haven't been a 'current resident' at this address for at least 2.5 years, I really hope you are a teenager. Because if your a fully grown man, you need to move on. Victoria Secret catalogues are so 13!

While the cats away...

This mouse has been doing feck all, really.

You would think with hubby out of town (how nice for some to get to spend a week in Costa Mesa CA!), I would have the place ship shape and bristol fashion, the washing done, the dishes sparkling, and thousands of words written...you might think that.

I could easily disabuse you of that notion though.

Where have my days gone? Eppie reading for one...eh, my eyes are still square from that (reminder for next year offer for a few less entries to read), oh, I baked a cake...well technically I baked one cake (gingerbread from Slivia Violets Passionate Kitchen blog) and one slice (brownie for the USA folk)...mmm sultana slice, damn I love that stuff!

Oooh, I had a pedi...and, I think, an orgasm..just a little tiddly mini one. I was talking to the lady saying we had been doing our floors and my knees were kaput, and since I wasnt having the fancy smancy pedi she gave me this absolutely lower leg and knee massage. OHMIGAWD! It was so cruel to make me get up afterwards and walk. How dare they! Lets say the lady got a very generous tip! FB will like the pretty red toes when he gets back from CA - he has a bit of a thing for toes/feet...when they arent all cracked and hory looking that is.

See, I have all that polishing, and shining, and cleaning to do, and yet again I am here procrastinating. I so suck at being a housewife. I would never get a good recommendation from my boss...what a way to mar my glowing work record :(


PS don't forget to sign up to my mailing list to get in to win the Lemax Christmas Ornaments on the 12th.

Cookies or Pie?

In the great tradition of BorsBoards...

Cookies


or



Pie?


The great ages old debate!

The stress!

You would think the stress of editing, deadlines, promotions and all the rest would give anyone a severe headache, right?

Wrong, I have found something worse - my child's classroom Christams Party (although we aren't allowed to call them parties and its holiday or winter not Christmas - I'm not religious, but damn, this is getting a touch PC isn't it?).

Why the hell did I volunteer for this shite? Oh, thats right, I am a sucker for punishment and I like to entertain (something that has been significantly curtailed since we came to the States). You might think a house full of 30 adults a daunting task. They ain't got nothin' on 17 6-yr olds!

If you don't hear from me after the 19th of Dec, you know they hated my party planning and stoned me to death with gingerbread cookies and buried me under the playground. Please send the police...