I bought a 12" dildo the other day...

Did I get your attention?

Well, it's the truth... sort of :)

I was abstractedly surfing the internet a while ago, and happened across a testimonial for a particular dildo. Being that I was putting off doing all sort of other *ahem* interesting things like house work, custom sewing jobs... edits, I scrolled down to take a look.

Holy Fuck! That mother is HUGE! Seriously, lady? You stick that where?

Which got me to thinking about all the various erotica and erotic romance I've read where the guy flops and anaconda sized dick out of his pants. Now the proud moment where the guy expounds on the veracity of his said monster snake-like appendage has always struck me as, hrmm, kinda odd, really. I can't say I've slept my way through half of Auckland, hell even half a rugby team (15 on the field), but I've yet to come across anything that would come close to resembling a foot long - standard hot dog sized maybe, but with a super-sized side of fries on the side? Nope.

So, because I'm strange like that, I hunted around and found a relatively cheap, realistic dildo that would make any size-maven proud to own. (and plus, it's a tax deduction... DAMN I love my job!)

My first hint should have been the size box the damn thing shipped in ... I got quite a surprise opening the damn box expecting protein shake powder only to find a 12" dong! Needless to say, all in the name of research of course, I opened that baby up in the blink of an eye -- then blinked again, and then blinked some more, swallowed a few times, crossed my legs and whispered, "No way. No. Fucking. Way!"

Let's just say, I was feeling the cliched "It's not going to fit" moment from the tips of my hair to the ends of my toes. A horse would feel intimidated by this thing!

So, now what to do with it?

You'll have to pop back next week and find out.... and no, get your heads out of the gutter, that thing 'ain't going nowhere near my lady bits, thank you very much!