Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Demise of Doug

I went looking for something else to compare poor old Doug (as someone termed him) to, and as I was about to shoot a picture of Doug beside a baseball bat I was overcome by the ridiculousness of it all. I mean that was my plan, but really ... twelve inches? 12.

For any guy carrying that around in his pants I feel bad for you. I've been carrying around the breast equivalent for a few years now, and I can safely say it's no walk in the park - finding underwear's a bitch, seriously. Blue balls would be a reality for a guy not strapped down nice and tight who decided to do something, say like .... trampolining.

I think I need to start an internet protest to point out to all the erotica and erotic romance authors that 10"+ is really and truly overkill in the dick department. It's fantasy, sure, but surely, somewhere along the line physics has to come into play?

Every time I'm bowling along and come to the paragraph where the hero flops out his prodigious pecker I laugh. I can't help it. The story, no matter how good/serious/weepy, assumes a comedic overtone in my head and can't be saved.

Seriously, do these authors have a partner who's on the short side of the statistical 5.5" and are over compensating? Because if they are, I'm happy to pony up the cash to mail Doug to them for a trial run so they can get their dimensional delusions under control. I understand the male authors a little better I think, because at least they don't know what it's like to have the appendage equivalent of a watermelon shoved up there, they can still live out their "I'm the man with the enormous dick" fantasies. But surely the everyday female would think twice? (Though I will make allowances for the 'size queens' among us who think bigger is better.)

8 or 9 inches seems plenty big enough when I take out a ruler and measure. I mean 10" hits my rib cage, 12" would give new mean to that whole "feel me in your throat" thing, now wouldn't it?

4 comments:

Emily Veinglory said...

Most of them are more portable when not, um, inflated. Perhaps I shopuld measure the purple monster. I'm really not sure how big it is, maybe 11"

Celia Kyle said...

I'm with you on the deep throating. How can you fit that much? It boggles the mind.

Teddy Pig said...

I only got about 8 myself and people like it just fine.

But... I still remember that night with that stud who abused me with a hell of a lot more and understand the attraction.

Now I think what makes it special is the rarity but every Romance is a once in a lifetime event for someone.

Anne Douglas said...

See, 8 sounds like a good round number to me, but I'll bow to your, err, greater experience on the other front :D.

As you suggested, I think it depends on who's wielding the monster, do it well and it becomes a good experience, use it badly and it just becomes a painful nightmare.

I always remember my ex-BIL, he's one of the guys with a rather substantial appendage ... hell, he's got a third leg that got cut off at the knee. I think he got just as much pain from his cock as he did pleasure. I always had a grin at is undies that were baggy in the back - I swear he had to them wear two sizes too large to get them to fit around the front. :D