Saturday, March 17, 2007

Editing

I've nearly finished my alterations to McCabes2. I've got one scene I need to add in, but I've been mulling over how its going to play out so in the mean time I've started on editing what I already have.

I wrote the first draft of this story over a year ago, and with changes in editors and the rest, it sort of ended up in limbo till late last year, and since then I've procrastinated, too. So having written Position Vacant (it just got a new 5 kiss review from Two lips reviews), Tea for Three (its looking at a late May release now, Happy Birthday to me!), and also Red Skirt, Cool Fountain (which is getting expanded from a fling to full length before I find it a home), I've had a few WTF was I thinking moments.

Such as:

"He had seen a picture of sushi being decadently served off a naked model; Kate needed no sushi adornment - she was the feast"

"He opened his lips and took what he was craving, and by god it wasn't just a spark, it was a lust-ridden firestorm." - You should read the rest of the scene - I went a wee bit overboard on the fire metaphor.

But then there are some good bits:

"...But before he got far, he had needed to get some emotions out of his system, so he kicked a stone, and then started taking his anger out on an unsuspecting bush. Moving on from the poor bush who couldn't put up a good enough fight, he'd started throwing fist sized rocks as far as he possibly could into the lake -- until he threw one too hard and toppled himself, fully dressed, into the cold water.
Now he was trudging back to the cabin, sopping wet, cold, still as angry as hell, and feeling distinctly sorry for himself."

"..Rushing the last part of the way up to the cabin and racing up the steps he skid to a halt as he came face to face with Kate. Beautiful, vibrant, sexy, and positively fuming, Kate.
“Well?” One eyebrow was raised sardonically.
“Kate?” David swallowed hard, not quite believing his eyes.
“I should hope so. I definitely don’t feel like a Tom, Dick or Harry.” The sarcasm came through loud and clear… she was not happy a happy camper. Too bad, even as angry as a hen left in the rain, he would take Kate any way he could get her.
“Kate?” He goggled at the woman standing before him in a tight, bright red tank top and jeans that clung to every voluptuous curve.
“Yes, Kate. And this is the second time today I have been greeted by a locked door. Lucky I had a spare key, wasn’t it?”
“I… ah… I was walking around the lake… I...” He couldn’t quite figure out where he was going with the sentence.
“Around the lake? Looks more like you walked through the lake. You are soaking wet, and getting colder by the minute by the look.”
Grabbing him by his shirt front, Kate dragged him behind her into the bedroom. Releasing him, she turned to him with her hands on her hips.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Get those clothes off!” Her tapping foot showed her displeasure..."

And you can count that last one as your excerpt of the moment :)

Now just to figure out what I'm naming the beastie. Currently it's called Trusting David, but with the changes I've made it's less about that and more about other things - accepting your faults, trusting in yourself to make the right decisions, growth, becoming a new you, and accepting things don't have to be normal to be right, accepting the past to move into the future. Instead I wanted to play more on the basis of the story - a battered woman found.

So these were a few idea's I was throwing around sitting in the car yesterday while kiddo had his tutoring appointment (which fyi is giving me 45 min 2x a week to write or edit with no possible interruptions, how handy is that):

Trusting David
Bruised Bones
Bruised Bones, Healed Heart
Healing Hearts
Facing Demons
Battered Hearts
Broken
Bruises Heal
Healed Bruises
Sticks and Stones - I kind of like this because my next thought is "break my bones but names will never hurt me", which, is a big part of what happens in the book. Or is this a big leap no-one else but me is going to make?

Any comments anyone?

EDIT: I suppose that if I want to keep in the Persuading Jo line of titles Finding Kate might work, too. Then number three would be Submitting to Anna or Tony's submission or some such.

7 comments:

Amanda Young said...

I think of the kids saying when I see 'sticks and stones' too. :) I thinking my favorite is Battered Hearts though. Like that one.

Congrats on your review.

Tina Bendoni said...

I made the leap from Sticks and Stones, but part of any battering relationship is the emotional abuse. Sometimes those names stay longer than any scars or broken bones.

Isabella Snow said...

I like Sticks and Stones.

Any fool would make that connection - I certainly did!

Emily Veinglory said...

I rather like the sushi line. I must say none of the titles really zing for me :( But then I suck at titles. I have good books and good title ideas but the buggers never go together LOL

Emily Veinglory said...

p.s. battered hearts sounds like an appetizer to me but then I am a sick, sick woman.

Anne Douglas said...

One of the options I didn't list is Face down in the gutter. But for some reason that sounded more of a drunken slapper title :)

Emily Veinglory said...

One of my favorite sayings is 'lying in the gutter but looking at the stars' :)