How foo is your google?

I thought I'd follow on a few other folks with some weird and wonderful searches that have registered on my blog and website:

• Transformers Erotica - well that's a new area of slash I'd never thought of. Though Optimus Prime has one of those voices you can imagine saying "Hey, Baby".
• Chicken with Fresh Cherries - The poor budding chef must have got an eyeful when he clicked on the blog, wonder what recipe they found in the end? It's kind of ironic, actually. I made a roast chicken with cranberry seasons stuffing in it the other night (I'm a cavity stuffer, no made in a separate plate deal here), not quite the same, but damn close. And the chicken bake thingy (totally pants it) using the left overs the next night I think might have tasted even better. Anyone want the recipe?
  
• Ass Thermometers - ??? I mean, seriously. How hard is it - Thermometer, check, Ass check... it's not that hard, surely?
  
• Navel gazing skepsis - maybe they were looking for skeptics? I sure hope it wasn't navel sepsis, that just sounds painful
• "holy shit" "little fist" cunt - Anyone else think they were hunting down Pope poo and a black eye ....
• Double team blow job - care to take any bets on what sex hit up google with that search?
• Pipe Dreams black dildo - Oh honey, it's no pipe dream. Click the Condomania link on the side bar and you can find all sorts of things --->
  
• "Anna Campbell" porn - *snort* well I guess if you're looking for a closed door inspirational historical, yes, you might think she writes porn. Truely, you have to get past the sex and look deeper, it was a dark gothic style romance, very twisty. (how poetic am I - not- on a Sunday?)
• Thick hard stiff rub - well that covers all the bases now, doesn't it.
• Small Umbrella - Walgreens does it for me, though I did just get these great ones for kiddo from a brand called Pluie Pluie. Perfect for little hands, and they don't have that little catch thing at the top that always pinches your fingers when you go to take it down. They are the bell style ones too, not flat, so great for keeping your kiddo and their backpack dry. Kiddo is quite enamored of his frogs and stripes. One of my Ivylane ladies is going to be selling them.

Okay, I really need to stop futzing with this, because I'm way behind on my Sweat70 - Though I think FB is taking kiddo to go see The Simpsons Movie. Two hours of me time, HoYEAH!

From the "You couldn't make this up" files...

Brother-in-law denies earl murder

The 10th Earl of Shaftesbury was a flamboyant multi-millionaire.

A man accused of murdering the Earl of Shaftesbury has protested his innocence and appealed to the French president for justice, at the start of his trial.

The earl's brother-in-law, Mohammed M'Barek, told a packed court in Nice, France, the death was an accident.

Former hostess Jamila M'Barek, 45, is accused of paying her brother to murder her husband Anthony Ashley-Coope

Look, you can't make this up.

The Earl of freaking Shaftesbury? SHAFTesBURY? Who was a flamboyant multi-millionaire? (Although flamboyant sounds a little code for gay and flaming). His brother-in-law Mohammed M'Barek -- good lord hit with the two times stick! First he gets it for being called Mohammed, then he has the lovely scifi, need to hack it out, vowels missing, surname.

Then, oh then comes the tried and true plot device -- the wife who gets her brother to kill her husband because he's leaving her for a ... wait for it ... younger woman.

Good Lord!

I saw Next last friday night with a girlfriend and got a laugh at the French speaking bad guys. I get the idea that since the Russians are friendly now, the French are going to be Hollywood's reigning 'ebil terrorist dudes'. So the fact that he's appealing to the French for freedom just takes the cake for me.

I wonder If I can slap this in a proposal letter and sell it? I mean the who, the why, and the what happened is right there isn't it, I just need to slap some dialogue in between the relative plot points!