From the 'ooooookay then' files

I heart guts... in particular I love my plushie uterus:

What the... ???

Total absurdness aside, they actually look quite cute. Although I just can't see myself cuddling up with a gallbladder or a lung, the liver looks kinda cute though.

The things you can find (both good, and slightly kookie) in BLUSH magazine...

13 Things a 12" dildo could be used for...

An x rated Thursday 13:

13 things you could use a 12" dildo for...

1. A doorstop - more specifically for the bedroom. One look at that baby and you'd either be hot to trot, or develop a constant, vicious "headache"
2. A book end - buy a second one, maybe one that vibrates and set them either side of your erotica collection
3. Hammer nails - After all, 'His cock was hard enough to hammer nails' has to be used copiously in romance novels for a reason
4. A rolling pin - it's about the right size, and all that veining would give your pastry a lovely textured finish
5. Which leads into: Back Massager. A little bit of lotion, a little bit of elbow grease ... YOUR BACK, people, your back ... sheesh, all your minds are in the gutter!
   
6. A dog chew toy - all that rubbery goodness, and it's the perfect size to fit a big, slobbery doggy mouth around
7. That suckers heavy, you can use it in your daily exercise regime as a hand weight - thought it's that damn long you could use two and wrap them around an ankle for a leg weight and hit the street. Should be worth a few sniggers and shocked looks from the grannies and moms with the trendy running strollers. (I'll let you decide who's gasping and sniggering)
   
8. Bash the SO around the head when he fails to get you off before he starts snoring. I can see the headlines now - a mad rash of dildo deaths around the world...
9. Paperweight - did I mention how heavy that sucker is?
10. Use it to replace that broken chair leg that's been bugging you for months.
11. I guess you could use it for it's intended purpose... though I'd suggest some porn and a good stretching routine beforehand
12. Replace that baseball bat you keep beside the bed to ward off intruders - They'll take one look at the 12" rubber dick and either collapse from laughter, or run in fear - especially if you have it attached to a harness at the time *insert little devil smiley here*
13. Why don't you leave me your favourite idea in the comments :)

LOL NEWS

Couple call out cops to release sex-shop handcuffs
New 8:36AM Friday August 24, 2007

An embarrassed Auckland couple had to make an emergency call to police last night to remove handcuffs they bought from a sex shop.

The man and woman, reported to be fully dressed, had put on the handcuffs after buying them that day.

They then found they could not take them off again and dialled 111.

A police spokesman said today there was a problem with the locking mechanism and a key was not needed to free the couple.

"There was nothing sinister to it. It was a light-hearted moment," he said.

He was unsure if the handcuffs were fur lined.

- NZPA

*SNORT*

To brighten up your Monday:

Vibrator robber jailed over raid

Jex concealed the sex toy in a carrier bag, pretending it was a gun
A robber who held up a bookmaker's shop in Leicester with his girlfriend's vibrator has been jailed.
Nicki Jex, 27, of Braunstone, Leicester, hid the sex toy in a carrier bag pretending it was a gun, Leicester Crown Court heard.

The manager at Ladbrokes in Narborough Road handed over more than £600 in cash when he pointed it at her on 27 December 2006, the court heard.

On Monday, Jex, who pleaded guilty to robbery, was jailed for five years.

Sentencing him, Judge Philip Head said: "It's right to record that you did not have a firearm but you pretended you had and intended that those you confronted believed that you did, and it must have been truly terrifying for them at the time." . . .

And this which takes me back to the days when all these songs were king!:

How foo is your google?

I thought I'd follow on a few other folks with some weird and wonderful searches that have registered on my blog and website:

• Transformers Erotica - well that's a new area of slash I'd never thought of. Though Optimus Prime has one of those voices you can imagine saying "Hey, Baby".
• Chicken with Fresh Cherries - The poor budding chef must have got an eyeful when he clicked on the blog, wonder what recipe they found in the end? It's kind of ironic, actually. I made a roast chicken with cranberry seasons stuffing in it the other night (I'm a cavity stuffer, no made in a separate plate deal here), not quite the same, but damn close. And the chicken bake thingy (totally pants it) using the left overs the next night I think might have tasted even better. Anyone want the recipe?
  
• Ass Thermometers - ??? I mean, seriously. How hard is it - Thermometer, check, Ass check... it's not that hard, surely?
  
• Navel gazing skepsis - maybe they were looking for skeptics? I sure hope it wasn't navel sepsis, that just sounds painful
• "holy shit" "little fist" cunt - Anyone else think they were hunting down Pope poo and a black eye ....
• Double team blow job - care to take any bets on what sex hit up google with that search?
• Pipe Dreams black dildo - Oh honey, it's no pipe dream. Click the Condomania link on the side bar and you can find all sorts of things --->
  
• "Anna Campbell" porn - *snort* well I guess if you're looking for a closed door inspirational historical, yes, you might think she writes porn. Truely, you have to get past the sex and look deeper, it was a dark gothic style romance, very twisty. (how poetic am I - not- on a Sunday?)
• Thick hard stiff rub - well that covers all the bases now, doesn't it.
• Small Umbrella - Walgreens does it for me, though I did just get these great ones for kiddo from a brand called Pluie Pluie. Perfect for little hands, and they don't have that little catch thing at the top that always pinches your fingers when you go to take it down. They are the bell style ones too, not flat, so great for keeping your kiddo and their backpack dry. Kiddo is quite enamored of his frogs and stripes. One of my Ivylane ladies is going to be selling them.

Okay, I really need to stop futzing with this, because I'm way behind on my Sweat70 - Though I think FB is taking kiddo to go see The Simpsons Movie. Two hours of me time, HoYEAH!

The Bizzareness in an Afternoon Nap

Somehow I don't think my little dream about non skiers doing downhill mogul runs, girl scouts who say cut little rhymes that turn out to be magic spells to get you to buy their cookies, or make you invisible *shrug*, whatever, and a girl trying to desperately impress the geek she realises is the love of her life by wearing a bikini made of shrimp at a monster car exhibition, only to find out she's allergic to shellfish on her boobs and cootchie, is going to get me the extra hour or two of sleep to get my brain functioning at peak capacity again.

This was a peek in the weird, twisted dreams of Anne D.