What a gray day...

Seems the wet, dim weather has hit my little corner of Florida. The rain started last night, and it's just hanging around, not doing a lot of anything other than be annoying by holding off till when I walk out the front door and persisting until I come back in. I guess that's what umbrella's are for, right?

Kiddo is home from school today, so we're off to the movies this morning to keep him amused for a bit, but expect me to look like the picture by the end of the day... except my glasses are much cooler, and you need to add a few pounds to those hips...

13 Things a 12" dildo could be used for...

An x rated Thursday 13:

13 things you could use a 12" dildo for...

1. A doorstop - more specifically for the bedroom. One look at that baby and you'd either be hot to trot, or develop a constant, vicious "headache"
2. A book end - buy a second one, maybe one that vibrates and set them either side of your erotica collection
3. Hammer nails - After all, 'His cock was hard enough to hammer nails' has to be used copiously in romance novels for a reason
4. A rolling pin - it's about the right size, and all that veining would give your pastry a lovely textured finish
5. Which leads into: Back Massager. A little bit of lotion, a little bit of elbow grease ... YOUR BACK, people, your back ... sheesh, all your minds are in the gutter!
   
6. A dog chew toy - all that rubbery goodness, and it's the perfect size to fit a big, slobbery doggy mouth around
7. That suckers heavy, you can use it in your daily exercise regime as a hand weight - thought it's that damn long you could use two and wrap them around an ankle for a leg weight and hit the street. Should be worth a few sniggers and shocked looks from the grannies and moms with the trendy running strollers. (I'll let you decide who's gasping and sniggering)
   
8. Bash the SO around the head when he fails to get you off before he starts snoring. I can see the headlines now - a mad rash of dildo deaths around the world...
9. Paperweight - did I mention how heavy that sucker is?
10. Use it to replace that broken chair leg that's been bugging you for months.
11. I guess you could use it for it's intended purpose... though I'd suggest some porn and a good stretching routine beforehand
12. Replace that baseball bat you keep beside the bed to ward off intruders - They'll take one look at the 12" rubber dick and either collapse from laughter, or run in fear - especially if you have it attached to a harness at the time *insert little devil smiley here*
13. Why don't you leave me your favourite idea in the comments :)

And it's bigger

Than two rolls of toilet paper stacked end on end...


though I will admit it's a little closer if you take away the balls...

How foo is your google?

I thought I'd follow on a few other folks with some weird and wonderful searches that have registered on my blog and website:

• Transformers Erotica - well that's a new area of slash I'd never thought of. Though Optimus Prime has one of those voices you can imagine saying "Hey, Baby".
• Chicken with Fresh Cherries - The poor budding chef must have got an eyeful when he clicked on the blog, wonder what recipe they found in the end? It's kind of ironic, actually. I made a roast chicken with cranberry seasons stuffing in it the other night (I'm a cavity stuffer, no made in a separate plate deal here), not quite the same, but damn close. And the chicken bake thingy (totally pants it) using the left overs the next night I think might have tasted even better. Anyone want the recipe?
  
• Ass Thermometers - ??? I mean, seriously. How hard is it - Thermometer, check, Ass check... it's not that hard, surely?
  
• Navel gazing skepsis - maybe they were looking for skeptics? I sure hope it wasn't navel sepsis, that just sounds painful
• "holy shit" "little fist" cunt - Anyone else think they were hunting down Pope poo and a black eye ....
• Double team blow job - care to take any bets on what sex hit up google with that search?
• Pipe Dreams black dildo - Oh honey, it's no pipe dream. Click the Condomania link on the side bar and you can find all sorts of things --->
  
• "Anna Campbell" porn - *snort* well I guess if you're looking for a closed door inspirational historical, yes, you might think she writes porn. Truely, you have to get past the sex and look deeper, it was a dark gothic style romance, very twisty. (how poetic am I - not- on a Sunday?)
• Thick hard stiff rub - well that covers all the bases now, doesn't it.
• Small Umbrella - Walgreens does it for me, though I did just get these great ones for kiddo from a brand called Pluie Pluie. Perfect for little hands, and they don't have that little catch thing at the top that always pinches your fingers when you go to take it down. They are the bell style ones too, not flat, so great for keeping your kiddo and their backpack dry. Kiddo is quite enamored of his frogs and stripes. One of my Ivylane ladies is going to be selling them.

Okay, I really need to stop futzing with this, because I'm way behind on my Sweat70 - Though I think FB is taking kiddo to go see The Simpsons Movie. Two hours of me time, HoYEAH!

When you're jaded by current events ...

It's great to see stories like this make the news:

I'm probably not supposed to duplicate it here, but what the heck ...

PARKERSBURG, West Virginia (AP) -- It took two fire trucks, five firefighters, several animal rescuers and about 250 gallons of water to rescue a 2-pound kitten.

Animal control officers tried coaxing the gray tabby out of a storm sewer drain with encouraging words and food Monday before giving up after about an hour and a half.

Firefighters tried banging tools on one end of the pipe and flashing lights Monday night in hopes of driving the kitten out the other end -- but that didn't work either.

It wasn't until firefighters flushed about 250 gallons of water through the 10- to 12-inch pipe -- enough to wet the kitten's paws -- and the feline rushed into the hands of Firefighter Kevin Siers, who was standing inside a manhole.

"We had about an hour and a half of fun," Siers said Tuesday. "Everybody was pretty tickled" when the cat emerged.

After a very frightening day and night, the kitten seemed more relaxed and was warming up to humans, said Dan Hendrickson with the Humane Society of Parkersburg.

A visitor to the shelter signed adoption papers Tuesday.

Does that not make you go ahhh?

Ack

When I stopped last night I had 32k, this morning 24k and had come to the realization that I suck at writing suspense/mystery.

Maybe I'll be able to write it with another book, but the direction I'd taken Accidentally Were? in was not, n. o. t. not working. Oh I'm sure If I'd kept plugging along I would have made it work, eventually. But my plans for the secondary characters in this book were slowly flickering and dying a dull death as I mired myself down in a storyline I had no idea how I was going to finish, let alone be able to carry on in the plans I'd jotted down for a second book.

Folks who've been reading this blog for a while will know I've only been writing for since Jan 06, and I've not studied literature/writing/English studies etc etc -- by trade I was a Dispensing Optician until I came to the US, so the only thing that has in common with writing is making sure you can see what your doing with the pencil -- so I've not had a lot of time to find 'my style' or my genre. Though I think, after spending a long time thinking about it as I lay awake, tossing and turning because last night my legs would not stop and let me fall asleep (yeah, this morning, don't get on my bad side, your likely to loose a limb), that I've figured out (and those folks that have read my books are probably going to go, ahh, duh! Of course you do) that I'm best at writing storylines that are character driven.

Now because I've no clue as to what all the different catch phrases mean, and saying character driven no doubt means something else, this is what I mean : I write stories about the journey of two (or three or four) people as they figure out that they are pretty damn good together. Emotional journeys, not got to join together and fight the big bad evil dudes, or flights of fantasy save the world/galaxy/universe, or find the mystery killer who's hunting me because I saw something I shouldn't stories. Thats not to say that I don't think I can create say a science fiction setting to set my story in, just that it wouldn't be the next Star Wars, more like the next Blue Alien and the Yellow S'mort'snerks next door and why being sooo good together is so bad.

ROFL, I've just had a thought, I'd write a killer category romance. Guess I should really write something for Harlequin Spice or Blaze huh? *makes a note on her mile long list of places to write and submit a story to*

But I digress, but then again, this post is nothing but a verbal diarrhea digression because hubby doesn't really give that much of a rats arse, and he was mostly asleep last night when I was burbling this anyway, and I really needed a space to figure out what the hell it is that I'm doing.

What am I doing again?

Oh thats right, trashing about 10k, editing out the references to said 10k in the previous parts of the story and going back to what I'd originally planned -- A funny as hell story thats much to close to real life about a woman who gets magically knocked up and turned into a Were Bear, and now has to tell her daddy -- the Judge -- that she's a single, unwed, about to be mother only dating the guy who shagged her.

See, I couldn't even get the storyline I'd been working on last night down to that succinct of a sentence (and yes I know thats one giant, rambling run on of a sentence, but it's still a hell of a lot shorter than what I'd come up with for the other idea). Despite the fact it was pretty depressing waking up knowing I'd be deleting this big hunk of work (and there will be some things salvageable out of it), I've now got it figured out. Damn you guys are good!

How much do these sessions cost, btw? And is there any chance you're getting a new couch anytime soon, cause let me tell you this is the lumpiest psychiatrists couch I've ever sat in!

TT #18 - Randomness

1. Is everyone as geekgirled out at the new Tabletop Computer as I am?
2. Why do iceblocks come on sticks but icecream in a cone? And why are iceblocks, well, blocks? Why not circles, or triangles, or octogons?
   
3. I just named our new kitten Chicken. FB tells me it's so off the wall it just might work. It's definitely going to be better than yelling out 'little black sunshine' in hearing of our coloured neighbours. I don't think they would wait around to here my 7yr old suggested the name since we have one cats thats light and one cat thats black and they like sitting in the sun.
4. Apparently I'm an Emo Goth Chick in middle class white womans clothing because I like both Evanesence and Fall Out Boy. I also have a side of hoochie momma as I've snapped up all Timbalands latest in explicit format.
5. Fresh Cherries are the BOMB. You can keep those fake glacé crap things that you get on top of your sundae. Though I think I might in a world of hurt a little later as I've managed to eat half a pound of them writing this TT.
6. Why is it you always miss a spot with the suntan lotion?
7. Would the world be a better place if they'd left the cocaine in the Coke-a-Cola?
8. How do they get white chocolate to be white? Are there special albino cocoa beans or something?(seems not) This musing came courtesy of my addiction to the special, imported from Europe white chocolate that I can only get at World Market
   
9. How did we know Violets were violet to call them Violets? Or were Violets Violet before they were violet?
10. On that note: Is it wrong to like boys who like boys who like girls who like boys who like boys and girls?
11. I think I might be having a fruit sugar rush, because 9 & 10 make perfect sense to me.
12. I am so jonesing for the new Transformers movie - I'll be dragging kiddo along on opening day. I have a totally inappropriate crush on Shia LaBeouf - he's all of 21 for goodness sake, I think that could get me arrested!
13. Damn, the cherries are calling again ... I wonder if I can do that tie the stalk in a knot thing? You know that could be a very sexy thing to have a character do, specially if its a man -- that would really make his girlie's eyes cross and her tongue hang out as she panted with lust -- or is that just a good idea cause the fruit sugars talking again?
    

Catch up

No not Ketchup, catch up. Besides it's called tomato sauce anyway :)

I've not been blogging a whole lot this week as I've been working hard on my WIP ... along with actually doing the housework I've been putting off for far too long.

Accidentally Were is a 24k and climbing, I haven't got to the mystical woo-woo part yet so I'm thinking that I'm going to end up around 40-50k before I start editing and cutting and adding. Of course since I'm notorious for not using contractions, there's 1000 words that disappear right there. Tell me, in this little scene that I'm penning this afternoon, have I gone overboard with the euphemisms? (assuming I have that right, euphemism that is, and I have a feeling I am wrong.) :

(this is VERY much unedited at the moment folks)

When he pushed her back up against the side of his truck her little angry growls stopped and a low sexy rumble started up instead. “I wasn’t sure there for a second, but I think you were right, this is a damn good idea.”
Rex barely had time to brace himself before Pearl climbed her way up his body and wrapped her legs around his waist. As he wasn’t quite balanced they fell back against the truck with a panel-popping thud that pressed Pearl up against him like she was a stripper and he was the pole. Quite apt really considering his dick felt like a bloody steel bar.
Pearl’s hands were wound through his hair again; holding him tight as she fairly ate at his lips. Pearl made a cacophony of sound as she mewled and groaned as she rode his cock like a cowboy on a prize bull determined to make it to eight seconds. She tore her mouth away and shouted to the sky, “Yes! More, just like that!” and Rex had to wonder what the hell alien had taken over the woman who was usually so uptight and proper she’d make a Mongrel Mob member quake in his boots for being to loud in a library.

Tea for Three's release is a little over a week away now. We should be getting everything finalized this weekend, so it will be nice to get that out of the way until the Monday before release day when I'll sit up late obsessively refreshing the screen until the new releases are posted -- and don't think I wont!

I've got a release out, a sub being read (do you know hard it is to sit on your fingers and not email "Have you read it yet, whaddya think" to your editor?), and I've been trying to make a decision about a national print ad -- I'm not usually one to stress and obsess, but trying to break my caffeine addiction (I'm failing I might add), has me a little twitchy :).

BUT ... I put that twitchiness to good use and I now have clean floors. Eh, which reminds me I need to go finish off the bathroom, bugger!

What a week for Romance Land

It's been a great week for blog watchers :

The RT conference finished up, and when everyone got home they found out about Laura Baumbach and other authors/publishers involved in m/m publishing being treated unfairly. I've read a couple of her books, and they have been nice reads, but I'm going to be a touch cynical--and I'm NOT siding with the Hyatt or RT here, Ms Baumbach should have had as many rights as every other conference goer--but Ms Baumbach couldn't pay for advertising this good. I'm sure, like Carol Lynne of this weeks Ben's Wildflower fame, her books have been flying off the electronic shelf.

I feel a bit bad for Carol Lynne. Reviews done by some reasonably prominent bloggers (not review sites, but personal blogs) have been fairly scathing, and have in turn exploded into an all out knickers-in-a-twist series of rants against Ellora's Cave. This has little to do with her personally as she's at the whim of her publisher and editor now she signed on that dotted line, and with a dirth of 'EC is the big bad nasty' and personal attacks against EC staffers, I can't help but think that this bad publicity, while good for this book because everyone's snapping it up to see what all the fuss is about, is not going to be so good for her next releases when everyone goes 'oooh, I remember her and that big EC stink, she sucked'.

The old adage says bad publicity is good publicity, but in this instance I can only see it as just being plain bad. I read her first book in this series, and while I didn't jump up and down, I had planned to get the next (I'm a martyr for a series ... well, except for Anita Blake, I just had to stop), and I will (cause I'm a series whore--bad or not). I really hope she gets a chance to work with a good editor who can help her improve her craft, not leave her open for more ridicule.

And that moves us on to the 'Ellora's Cave, WTF?' section of the week.

Karen Scott was the naughty blogger at the center of all the scandal. She started the ball rolling with her review of Carol Lynne's Ben's Wildflower, which morphed into a 'EC sucks lately' rant by readers. Karen followed up on her commenter's replies with a new post of her own, which asked the big question 'WTF is up with EC lately?'. This in turn bought out the Big Guns of Romance Land, aka Kathryn Falk, Lady Barrow, owner of RT mag, who stated, if I may paraphrase as the post was very long winded and rambled all over the show "As women we need to be nice to one another. If a book is not good, you must must suck it up, forget about the money you just spent and smile and tell the author how wonderful it was."

Yes, well...

Of course there is the whole problem that anyone, can be well, anyone out there in blog land. A new name is only a gmail account away. The claims made in the now infamous post by Ms Falk needed confirmation, so some Smart Bitches reached out and touched somebody, and were unfortunately left with more questions than answers, even though they went direct to the horses mouth. Other bloggers got in touch with the head offices of RT in an effort to confirm or deny culpability, and were floored by RT's response that they agreed with the poster--bloggers are nasty, nasty creatures and indeed need to be wiped from the face of the earth. Alright, I made that up, that wasn't the word for word response, but as a reader, that's the impression I was left with. And my RT subscription bill is sitting right beside me on the table...

Now this is where it starts to get tricky. RT also have a finger in the Laura Baumbach incident--they (in this instance Carol Stacey) continue to insist that their readers are not at all interested in gay romance (erotic or not)--and pulled out the 'If she gets such a bum deal from us why does she continue to advertise with us or attend our conference' line. And I agree with all the posters, despite the grief she gets from that publication, RT mag hits a target audience (though with that cynical hat on again, I wonder how much is advertising effect and how much is the gossip mill grinding--either way RT is fucking expensive, somethings making it worthwhile for her).

Then it gets a little more convoluted--Lady Barrow is being published by Ellora's Cave with their new Lotus Circle Imprint, and is hissing at all comers like my Siamese at the new kitten we got this week. I think I read that members of EC are at a retreat with her, recovering from RT last week.

Okay, I'm feeling decidedly left out here, I want to be in someones pocket damn it!

I also have absofuckinglutely no idea what The Lotus Circle is about. Does anyone? If you do, please, please let me in on it. I had thought initially that it was to be a new take on world building--the publisher has created a world and then you create a storyline withing that world (which revolves around psychic stuffs in this instance)--but after seeing the website, I have a feeling that is not the idea at all.

Claims of interference in ms have been leveled at EC by some parties, and that they have taken a stance to 'dumb down' literature for the masses by removing commas, colons, and semi-colons left and right. (Hell, I should fit right in judging by all the little red comma's B has to place all over my ms's, though I'm sure they'd kick me right back out for over generous usage of semi-colons). If you want a little insight to the EC machine, take a gander at Tina Engler's guide to authors found in the back of the Authors guide found on the submissions page. I have to admit I raised eyebrows at a few things.

Personally, as a reader who spends literally thousands (please don't let on to hubby how much I really spend) on books a year, and would have spent a good, oh, easily $500 bucks at EC over the last few years, I'm going to jump on the crap bandwagon--though I see now that a certain editor might be the source of my discontent. I used to buy at least a title a week, usually 2 or 3, even 4 or 5 if BDSM wasn't the predominant genre that week, now I'm lucky to buy 2-3 a month (though I see this Friday's releases have some authors I like reading, I'm going to blow that statement out of the water). An over abundance of BDSM turned me off to begin with, now it's other things.

If I didn't love my little laptop like it was my second child, I would have done a traditional wallbanger with some of the crap I've bought from EC recently. There has been more than one that I've though should have been marketed with the Exotika title attached, because it was no more than porn wrapped in a thinly veiled story. I know, as a writer, I shouldn't be saying boo about the biggest ePublisher out there, but as a reader who very rarely goes a day without reading a book (or two, or three), I really want my voice to be heard.

I've made the decision that if I think it's crap--no matter who the publisher--I'm going to complain. It's not likely to get my money back, but at least it might prompt some people to do some thinking.

Unlike Ms Falk, I do care about wasting my money on bad books. And as an author, I would like the courtesy of people telling me they thought it was bad--but then I think I might be in a minority on that front, for some reason I'm a bit of a masochist about wanting to improve my writing skills.

So it was quite the week, huh? Even my hubby laughed at some of the antics, and I think he's close to asking if he can read Ben's Wildflower after hearing all the reviews I've read to him. Considering he's never read a full ms of mine, Ms Lynne is one up on me!

Because my Idjit'ness knows no bounds

I somehow let my main site url expire at registerfly. I've fixed it, but until the namesever points to the right places again everyone's sol at finding my main page, instead you get gobbledygook search stuff. I think I need to get myself next years diary already so I cn schedule myself to remember this ahead of time!

But never fear - blogger is still here!!

Did I tell you about my run in with the dog catcher?

I don't think I did.

Anyhoo, I was caught up in some work and the door bell rang - you know how it goes, you're distracted and you answer the door and you're not really taking much notice of the person on the otherside. So there's a guy in a uniform - like a county worker uniform - and I assume that he's someone to do with the complaint I made about the backed up street drain out front.

Here's how the conversation goes:

"Good afternoon ma'am. Do you own the Akita?"
Annoyed at being interrupted I say, "No, mines the orange Honda in the driveway." Along with a finger pointed to the aforesaid driveway, with a 'duh, you just walked past it' look.
Man in the uniform looks as me strangely. "So you don't own a dog then?"
I look back at him wondering WTF my car and a dog have in common. "No, just a Siamese cat." I then get a little more of a clue and take note that the truck the guys driving has cages on the back of it, not a hulking great pump to suck the crap out of the drain. Shit, he's the dog catcher and I just made a total ass out of myself.
"You definitely don't own an Akida then? (I blush) Or a big dog that just broke through your back fence and bit somebody, because they're sure it came from this house."
"Nope, just me and my cat, and believe me the only reason she's going to bite someone is if you get between her and her catfood bowl." Thank god the man smiled at that one.

Then he spent the next 15mins with a dog whistle driving all over our little corner of the subdivision trying to find the dog. I don't know if he ever found the dog, but this weekend, guess what was sitting outside the house next door where new neighbours just moved in about a month ago - you guessed it a pile of old rotten fencing and an Akita (which is nothing like a Honda!)

13 Places not to get it on

Being an author and all, you have to come up with new and surprising venues for your characters to get down and dirty in. So I thought a list of places that would just be plain nasty to have sex in (versus good places to have nasty sex) might be a good list...

1. Gas Station Toilets - sorry, I don't care how hot to trot the two of you are - eek, Nasty germ alert!
2. On top of the frozen marble stone at Cold Stone Creamery (insert your local mix-in icecream shop) - No way, that marble is COLD, and I don't want to have to be unsticking my lady bits when they get frozen to the marble! Way too Dumb and Dumber for me!
   
3. Plastic Outdoor Chairs - There is a reason these things are cheap - they don't last long before they turn brittle, and your man really doesn't want a passel of plastic chips poking out his backside like a hedgehog! True story - hubby had a big (his emphasis not mine, the wuss!) knee operation. Showering was difficult, so we put one of the smaller plastic outdoor chairs in the shower stall so he could sit down and wash. Bad move - when that thing broke, it went with a big bang, and a girly shriek as hubbys prostrated leg went up, and his ass went down leaving the chair somewhere on his head.
4. Gloryholes both fascinate and scare me - you're placing a lot of trust in someone not to be standing there with a pair of hedgeclippers or a cokebottle...
5. Grandma's Bed - unless grandma is dead and buried...ewww...that's worse than doing it in your parents bed (though face it, who hasn't made out on Mum and Dad's bed - it's some sort of teenage rite of passage or something)
6. Office sex = good, Cubicle sex = bad. Can you imagine it, you're banging away like a dunny door in the wind (such a poetic turn of phrase there), then WHAM, one stray hand knocks a wall, which knocks a wall, which knocks a wall...cubicles, the dominoes of officeland just waiting for the right nudge to get them started toppling.
7. Church steps - I really don't think this would go down well in romanceland (and on this, bloggers, I speak from experience)
8. I've always wondered if you can fit two in one of those 'surprise birthday cakes'. That really would be a surprise for the groom if that bad baby came down and all you got to see was a naked hairy butt with the strippers legs wrapped around it!
9. I think drycleaners could be a bit of a dodgy place to try getting it on - imagine if something caught caught in one of those steam presses - it would definitely give new meaning to being flat out horny!
10. The sea. Of course love scenes in the ocean were around way before 9 1/2 weeks, but have you ever thought further than the waves pushing you gently/crashing you against one another, heightening your experience? Sand...phsaw... I'm thinking of slightly larger orifice invaders (tentacle sex anyone?), what about jellyfish, could you imagine a jellyfish sting on your hooha?
11. Vet sex has always been suspicious - with all those twigs and berries running around, I'm sure some cat has taken a swipe somewhere along the way. Didn't you read the signs, sir? Don't place any appendages in the cage, the animals have a tendancy to bite!
12. On a fence - well, one partner on a fence anyway. Again another personal experience (though not sexual) sitting on the top rail of a post and rail fence gets way tricky when you're drunk, unlike cats, humans don't have the ability to land right side up!)
13. Where your kids can catch you - eh, another true story. Playing horsey-rides has never been the same since...
    

Of all the....

Monday is my 'help out in the classroom' morning at school. I get to do reading with the kids, general dogsbody stuff for the teacher and all that fun stuff.

Today wasn't so bad, there was a music display this morning that took up most of the morning - how bad is this I can't remember the bands name Calypso Sounds? eek. Anyway, all about drums, kettle drums to be more particular. All about the story of how they came to be on the islands of Trinidad and Tobago - drums and tamboo being banned because of incited violence, which eventually lead to the development of kettle drums. It was quite interesting, and I have to say with only 4 guys they made such a rich, alive sound full all sorts of melodies and rhythms. Not a bad way to start a Monday Morning.

Anyway, back to the original ...Of all the... remember me saying I get to be general dogsbody - well this mornings plebeian task was pencil sharpening. Should be an easy task for a writer such as Moi, would you not think?

I have a blister...a frickin BLISTER on my thumb. No I wasn't using a little, bitty sharpener, it was one of those industrial teacher editions that get screwed to the desk (or wall in this case). Its the devils work I'm sure, I mean the sharpener and I should be all copacetic and shit, right?

Seems not according to the 1/2 inch blister on the side of my thumb - my right thumb, on my right handed self...meh! Right on the space bar spot.

My editor, the lovely B, is keen and fired up for me to get Accidentally Were? finished (I put it aside to work on McCabes2 while I had the Making Out vibe going), but I'm seriously thinking this blister is a sign from the writing gods, muses, and computer faeries that today is not the day to blow off the wedding dress alterations and knuckle back into AC. Though, I seriously can't work up an appetite to do the alterations either. I hate alterations, and I hate wedding dress alterations for people I know. It's just too stressful.

Maybe I should just go get a mani-pedi instead?

From yesterdays 13...

Here are the front runners:

Chrysalis take the top spot with 11 votes
Just Breathe, 2nd with 9
To Spite the Past, Bruised Pasts, Broken Pasts, 3rd with 4 each
Despite the Past, Telling Truths and Future Song with 2
Learning to Breathe with 1

And last, a suggestion of Bruised Truths, which is a title I rather like! I also have an addition for the list - Jaded Pasts.

So, I know I asked everyones opinion yesterday, but here's the short list:

1. Chrysalis
2. Just Breathe
3. Bruised Truths
4. Jaded Pasts

You know what to do, leave an opinion in the box!

Pet Meme

Over at EREC today Meowmies has her review up. This was quite a fun idea of Emily's, to have our pets do a review.

Here's a copy :


Meow Bloggers.

My Humans address me with the inglorious name of Meowmies, on other days the slightly more regal Puss Puss Mao Mao… sometimes just plain old 'get out of my way you damn Cat'.

You, on the other hand, may call me Princess.

One of my humans has this little past time that equally amuses and frustrates her. I can't fathom it myself; I'd rather spend my time lazing in my box with my favourite blanket, or racing around the house chasing fairies, elves and other figments of my imagination while generally acting deranged, but I digress.

My human -- she goes by the name Anne Douglas some days -- has been busy tapping away at that plastic thing with all those buttons lately, and forgetting all about petting me and just shoving me out of the way of this box thing with the pretty lights. She says she's busy writing -- me, I just think she's a little insane. Not too much though, after all, a Princess as pretty as me can't be associating with those weird, schizophrenic types now can she?

I did notice though, that under this comfy pile of odd assorted paperwork there's a folder with lots of black squiggles and pencil marks - paw prints are much more aesthetically pleasing, by the way -- my human says this is her next book, Tea for Three. I've heard her talking about it, and some say cats are promiscuous - there's men and women and they're all doing some late night caterwauling, together, if you get my drift.

She seems to have a 'thing' for making up stories about guys who love guys who love girls that love guys who love girls and guys - I hope that made as much sense to you as it did to me.

I can't read to give you a blow by blow -- Puuleeease…I'm a cat, of course I can't read. (I've contracted my memoirs out to these lizards -- Loowis and Loosey -- I promised a ceasefire on their gecko cousins in the back yard in payment…again I'm digressing; my human has a habit of this too).

So…I can't read, but I do have ears and whooeee! I can tell you those aforesaid appendages get to burning when she starts muttering passages to herself. She just finished up this little story call Making Out - some Rites of Spring thing where these guys (and a girl, lucky her!) that were in her first book showed up again -- there was a truck, and some sex, and some cops…

I better not tell you too much though, Princess needs a new bowl of cat food so I better not let the dog off the leash and tell you how it ends, My human has to pay the bills somehow! Though I will say hot, hot, hot.

Did I mention Hot? And it's not just cause I wear real fur in Florida.

I must run, daaarlinks, I sense a new piece of furniture I must go scratch at.

13 unusual search terms

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A naughty Thursday 13

13 Ways to say you're having sex.

1. Taking a tumble
2. Doing the horizontal polka
3. Getting some nooky
4. Playing hide the sausage
5. A little bit of hows 'ya father
6. Getting a leg over
7. Rubbing bellies
8. Score between the posts
9. Riding the elephant trunk of joy
10. The old in and out
11. Rolling in the hay
    
12. Taking one for the team
13. Scoring a home run

Okay, so I kept it clean, and really didn't get into some of the weird and wonderful descriptive terms out there - man people can come up with the weirdest euphemisms!

The heat is on, but my hair is limp

So I played Ms Electrician yesterday and got the hot water hater running again...oh the bliss!
Only thing was my hair went all limp again. I had forgotten the old rule of washing your hair with cold water to make it shine. Seems I'm not rid of the cold showers after all - but at least now I know that after that cold blast, I can flick it on to hot and warm up again!

Some days it pays to live in Florida

Namely when your water heater is making mad random clicking sounds and decides it's too good to heat your water for you.

Yup, cold water showers are mighty invigorating. Can you hear the sarcasm there?

In fact despite the deluge of cold water I just had to shower in, I feel quite toasty warm. Must be all the endorphines running around from screaming so much.

So I let myself overreact a little bit and had the kiddo coming in asking "are you okay, mum?". You've got to let loose and have a good shriek now and then - helps keep what little sanity I have left in tact.

Check this out...

Bors Boards is a never ending source of...well...everything really.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/spiders