Showing posts with label funny sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny sex. Show all posts

Friday, March 09, 2007

Sex quiz

Was browsing some blogs (okay, I'm supposed to be trying to segue into the next scene in McCabes2 but my brains not in it) and found this at Mandi Young's:





- Anne Douglas's Sexy Acronym -

Ais for...Adult

Nis for...Nice

Nis for...Naked

Eis for...Enticing


is for...

Dis for...Desirous

Ois for...Obscene

Uis for...Unbelievable

Gis for...Groupie

Lis for...Libidinous

Ais for...Attractive

Sis for...Siren

The Sexy Acronym Generator
at
QuizUniverse.com

Which then meant I found this little quiz:

You have a sexual IQ of 153





When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

Okay, I'm getting back to the writing....sheesh! Want me to post an excerpt?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sex and Artichokes

(Shaking my fist in the air in indignation, letting the unsightly arm flaps wobble)Damn You Shawna!

I say that with all love and affection! The cruel, cruel woman made Golden Artichoke dip while we were up at the cabin. The MMMmmmm mm mm m! Artichoky salty goodness, all scooped up on a Tostito chip dip that is going to prove my downfall.

FB and I managed to score a Babysitter last night and went out to play some friendly (yeah, riiiight) Texas hold'em at a work friends. Snacks were requested so lil'ol me thought "A ha! Artichoke dip!". Bad move; bad, bad move! It's the cooked reheatable kind, and since yesterday was Sat and today is Sunday, can you guess what I have been doing?

Can a girl live on Artichoke Dip alone?

Me thinks not, but I'm willing to give it a damn good try! And so y'all can suffer along with me, here's the recipe:


1 envelope Lipton ® Recipe Secrets ® Golden Onion Soup Mix
1 can (14 oz.) artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
1 cup Hellmann's ® or Best Foods ® Real Mayonnaise
1 container (8oz.) sour cream
1 cup shredded Swiss or mozzarella cheese (about 4 oz.)

1. Preheat oven to 350°. In 1-quart casserole, combine all ingredients.
2. Bake 30 minutes or until heated through.
3. Serve with your favorite dippers.

VARIATION: For a Cold Golden Artichoke Dip, omit Swiss cheese. Stir in, if desired, 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese. Do not bake. Also terrific with Lipton® Recipe Secrets® Savory Herb with Garlic Soup Mix, Lipton® Recipe Secrets® Onion Soup Mix, or Lipton® Recipe Secrets® Onion Mushroom Soup Mix.
Makes: 3 cups dip
Preparation Time: 5 Minute(s)
Cook Time: 30 Minute(s)

(BTW, if you double the recipe don't add quite as much sour cream or mayo as it says, just a few table spoons less would be best, IMO)


On a totally different note - We have the contractor starting Monday week. Oh yeah baby, new bathrooms incoming!!! Of course since we decided to go the labour/small material route, and supply the major fixtures ourselves, we have been out trying to make a final decision on tile.

But while we were out perusing shower cubicles (we are debating a contained fiberglass unit versus full tile) I noticed a little note on a shelf, and thinking that, of course, its a note from Home Depot about the shower I pick it up and read.

Hrmmm, NOT a note from Home Depot.

In fact it's a note from a guy called Ben, who reckons that you are looking a bit stressed and really need to get in contact with him to let off some steam by letting him suck your cock. I'm paraphrasing a little bit, but that was the gist of it anyway. All comers, married, single, straight, gay, he wasn't worried.

You hear of hanging around in men's bathrooms, glory holes, cumdump's, all of those lovely, slightly squicky things that some folks will go to to get their sex fix. But is this the new pickup spot of the millennium? - Display shower cubicles at Home Depot?

Thursday, January 18, 2007

A naughty Thursday 13

13 Ways to say you're having sex.

  1. Taking a tumble
  2. Doing the horizontal polka
  3. Getting some nooky
  4. Playing hide the sausage
  5. A little bit of hows 'ya father
  6. Getting a leg over
  7. Rubbing bellies
  8. Score between the posts
  9. Riding the elephant trunk of joy
  10. The old in and out
  11. Rolling in the hay
  12. Taking one for the team
  13. Scoring a home run
Okay, so I kept it clean, and really didn't get into some of the weird and wonderful descriptive terms out there - man people can come up with the weirdest euphemisms!

Friday, December 15, 2006

A Friday teaser

I have been trying out my shapeshifter wings :


The scent was sweeter than any fruit; soaking his senses, calling to him. He shoved his nose into the damp crevice where the glorious smell was strongest. Tasting the treat before him with his nose and his tongue, he edged his way slowly closer to the female that tantalized him so with her perfume.

She was what he had been seeking all these years. None of the other females had felt right, they hadn’t smelt right, but this one…this one was he had been waiting for. He wanted to dip his tongue into the delicious honey, wallow in her fragrance and mark her as his own.

“What the fuck?” Rex fell back onto his ass, pinching at his nose trying to stem the flow of blood as another clenched fist in front of a damn good right hook smashed into his cheek. “What the hell do you think you’re doing lady?”

He managed to get a hold of her wrist before she wound up for another strike and pulled her forward into his chest, landing them both on the floor with an “oomph”. Pearl landed perfectly nestled between his legs and across his chest. Rex flipped them over, his powerful and naked thighs falling either side of her hips holding her hands above her head as she struggled to get free.

“Get off me, you brute!” You brute? The woman was such a contradiction, Miss Manners one moment, then modern attitude and vernacular the next.

ME? I’m a brute? Lady, I’m the one with a bleeding nose.” It didn’t matter that part of his dual nature was the ability to heal a lot fast than a normal human and his nose was now a slow ooze, not the gushing river it had been when he was shocked into changing back from his bear form. “What did I do to you to make you lash out like that? I might not have been Mr. Congeniality the way I bundled you up here - but I apologized - and I even changed just like you asked, why were you smacking me over the snout?”

Pulling one hand away, he poked at the cartilage running along the ridge of his nose, grimacing in one particularly sore spot. “I don’t think you broke it.”

The struggles had stopped, drawing his attention away from his injury and back to the woman lying supine beneath him. Her face was pale, but bursts of color brushed her cheeks and she panted shallowly. Following her gaze Rex realized he had transformed back sans clothing and now straddled her buck naked with a raging hard on.

“You’re...” Pearl cleared her throat making her breasts jiggle as well as heave from her panting. “…ah…you’re naked.” And turned on went unsaid, but acknowledged anyway.

“Yes, it does seem that way doesn’t it.” Quite an enviable state considering the circumstances, Rex thought to himself.

Pearl’s skirt rode up around her waist and she had lost a couple of buttons in the scuffle from that very puritan blouse she wore. His cock now rested, larger than it had ever been in its life, nestled into the V of Pearl’s legs and hips, framed by pretty blue lace hipster panties.

He wasn’t inclined to make haste and move off the lovely plump bundle who was struggling again. Rubbing her mons up along his dick as she tried to buck him loose, straining the remaining buttons of her blouse until another popped and the bra matching the panties lay exposed.

Like a bear to honey, Rex couldn’t hold back any longer. In both forms she was like nectar, and he wasn’t on any sort of diet. Leaning down he ran the slightly stubbly edge of his cheek along the now exposed nape of her neck, scenting her, marking her with his own. He nipped at the bruise on her shoulder with his canines extended drawing a heated gasp as he ground down with his hips giving pleasure with the pain of the bite.

Despite his brain feebly telling him to stop, nature took a hold, pushing logical thought to the side, letting the instinct to mate with a suitable female prowl his consciousness. The smell of fear was easily overridden as he felt moisture seep through the lace, dampening his skin.

Laving the bite mark he heard small whimpers of pleasure from Pearl, the woman his beast recognized as his mate, the woman who would bear his cubs and be his to protect. Unable to suppress a groan he took her mouth roughly with his kiss. The smooth heat of her lips slid over his as she opened to him, caressing his thrusting tongue with her own as she invited him into her body, mimicking the thrusts of his hips against hers.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

OUT!

And proud of it, I guess is supposed to be what comes next. But no, no closet hopping for me, instead Position Vacant is available, OUT you might say, today, right now, like you could click this link and go buy it CLICK ME (doesn't that sound slightly Alice in Wonderland'esque).



I have been furiously emailing, posting, sending to mailing lists last night and tonight. You would be surprised where my name might be popping up today!

If your one of the guys and girls from Borsboards.com (aka GoFistYourself.com - got to love that name Smalto), please, make yourself at home, I have cookies and pie!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Sex gone awry

I have a few author blogs that I keep up with - Isabella Snow's Smut in G minor is one of them. Recently she made a post about your folks getting jiggy with it.

It made me think of an experience, not involving my parents, but me, as a parent.

Imagine if you will, getting a little morning nooky in, presumably before kiddo is up and awake. Things are going along, as they do, heading for a climactic conclusion, when whomph! Hubby body slams you and knocks all the wind out of you (really it wasn't welcomed at the time, erotic asphyxia I am not into!). Then the unholiest of all sounds peals out around the room, "Giddy up horsey, giddy up!", along with the corresponding sounds of little boy feet pounding into the sides of his fathers back, and his boney little bottom digging its way into the exposed soft flesh of my husbands lower back as he bounces up and down, urging his horsey to go faster and win the race!

Talk about giving a four year old horsey rides around the house coming back to bite you on the ass...bad pun not intended!

Meanwhile, poor ol'me, being on the bottom of the pile is having an extremely hard time breathing...what between the laughter and the impacts on my sternum from hubby being slammed down, repeatedly, in search of the finish line.

It's a pity it wasn't quite the finish line we were aiming for...

You know, there is a book in there somewhere!