The things kids say

In the car on our way to dinner tonight, FB asks kiddo how his field trip went this week.

"It wasn't a field trip daddy, it was a day off because of that Brown Man"

Okay, bear with us here, we come from New Zealand; MLK, while known, isn't exactly an icon like he is here, so it took us a while to figure out which Brown Man (Capitalised just like the way he said it) he meant. In our day to day life we don't encounter many people of colour, a few Asians now and then, and I haven't really sat down and said people with this colour skin are called X, and besides I don't know what to call anyone these days - Black, African American...??? For kiddo the colour of their skin is purely a descriptive term; like blond or red hair, blue or green eyes, so its never bothered us that he says they are a brown person versus a white person.

Of course we had to try explain racism to a six (nearly 7, mom!) year old. So trying to keep it simple we explained that before mummy and daddy were born, brown people didn't have a good time of it in America and they were often not allowed to do things white people could (ride buses, drink from the same water fountain, shop at the same shops or go to the same schools), and that people like MLK told white people it wasn't fair for them to treat brown people any differently. I thought we were doing pretty good at keeping it simple. So quite how we got to "So brown people and white people can swap shirts now?" I have not one clue. Kiddos thoughts are not all that linear in the least, but at least he got the idea.

Now on the way home, it was a decidedly lighter mood. Kiddo loves music, the hip pop hoppier the better. Fergalicious comes on the radio and he is pleading for the car to do its magic and make it louder (he hasn't realised yet there is a volume control on the steering wheel - and since mums need all the magic help we can get, I ain't spilling the beans!). 3/4 the way through the song FB turns it down to tell me something and screams of indignation arise from the back seat.

"Turn my song back up...I like this song...turn the T&A song back yup!!!"
"Are you sure? I thought you didn't like girls?" (ahh what us parents do for cheap thrills)
"I don't like girls! Turn my T&A song back up! I like that song"

Yup word for word - he likes T&A. Of course he was remembering the first letters of T A S T E Y (btw, Fergie can't spell it seems - I had to look it up thinking maybe it was an English/USA thing, but no there shouldn't be an E).

The world is good, kiddo realises racism is bad, and he likes T&A. It's enough to make a mother cry happy tears!

Friday Funny

I think I just violated Christmas

Today is the class party for my 6yr old...who wont be attending because he came home sick from school yesterday. Murphys law - isn't it great!

Somehow I ended up being the mother to 'host' the Christmas party. Okay, thats do-able. Fresh gingerbread men for the kids to decorate coming up! (amongst a multitude of other things)

Except I can only find the gingerbread girl cookie cutter, no gingerbread man, so I have just conducted 8 sex changes.

I feel kind of violated now, like I have ruined christmas for 8 little gingerbread girls.

The stress!

You would think the stress of editing, deadlines, promotions and all the rest would give anyone a severe headache, right?

Wrong, I have found something worse - my child's classroom Christams Party (although we aren't allowed to call them parties and its holiday or winter not Christmas - I'm not religious, but damn, this is getting a touch PC isn't it?).

Why the hell did I volunteer for this shite? Oh, thats right, I am a sucker for punishment and I like to entertain (something that has been significantly curtailed since we came to the States). You might think a house full of 30 adults a daunting task. They ain't got nothin' on 17 6-yr olds!

If you don't hear from me after the 19th of Dec, you know they hated my party planning and stoned me to death with gingerbread cookies and buried me under the playground. Please send the police...

Sex gone awry

I have a few author blogs that I keep up with - Isabella Snow's Smut in G minor is one of them. Recently she made a post about your folks getting jiggy with it.

It made me think of an experience, not involving my parents, but me, as a parent.

Imagine if you will, getting a little morning nooky in, presumably before kiddo is up and awake. Things are going along, as they do, heading for a climactic conclusion, when whomph! Hubby body slams you and knocks all the wind out of you (really it wasn't welcomed at the time, erotic asphyxia I am not into!). Then the unholiest of all sounds peals out around the room, "Giddy up horsey, giddy up!", along with the corresponding sounds of little boy feet pounding into the sides of his fathers back, and his boney little bottom digging its way into the exposed soft flesh of my husbands lower back as he bounces up and down, urging his horsey to go faster and win the race!

Talk about giving a four year old horsey rides around the house coming back to bite you on the ass...bad pun not intended!

Meanwhile, poor ol'me, being on the bottom of the pile is having an extremely hard time breathing...what between the laughter and the impacts on my sternum from hubby being slammed down, repeatedly, in search of the finish line.

It's a pity it wasn't quite the finish line we were aiming for...

You know, there is a book in there somewhere!

I have reached the pinnacle...

Of Motherhood, that is. Definitely not even close with writing.

Today my son declared "If you don't stop being mean, I am going to call the cops, and they will make you give me that coke."

Yup, I have made it. I have become the ultimate Mum. That kind of mother that makes her childs life a living hell by not giving them soda. The kind that he will torture his children over when they have been bad..."When I was a little boy, my mother wouldn't let me have the soda, so be thankful for what you have, little missy!"

Aren't six year-olds fun? First the "Farts are butt kisses" now he is calling the cops...I better go track down the phones and hide them, he might make good on his threat.