Wednesday, October 03, 2007

13 Things a 12" dildo could be used for...

An x rated Thursday 13:

13 things you could use a 12" dildo for...

  1. A doorstop - more specifically for the bedroom. One look at that baby and you'd either be hot to trot, or develop a constant, vicious "headache"
  2. A book end - buy a second one, maybe one that vibrates and set them either side of your erotica collection
  3. Hammer nails - After all, 'His cock was hard enough to hammer nails' has to be used copiously in romance novels for a reason
  4. A rolling pin - it's about the right size, and all that veining would give your pastry a lovely textured finish
  5. Which leads into: Back Massager. A little bit of lotion, a little bit of elbow grease ... YOUR BACK, people, your back ... sheesh, all your minds are in the gutter!
  6. A dog chew toy - all that rubbery goodness, and it's the perfect size to fit a big, slobbery doggy mouth around
  7. That suckers heavy, you can use it in your daily exercise regime as a hand weight - thought it's that damn long you could use two and wrap them around an ankle for a leg weight and hit the street. Should be worth a few sniggers and shocked looks from the grannies and moms with the trendy running strollers. (I'll let you decide who's gasping and sniggering)
  8. Bash the SO around the head when he fails to get you off before he starts snoring. I can see the headlines now - a mad rash of dildo deaths around the world...
  9. Paperweight - did I mention how heavy that sucker is?
  10. Use it to replace that broken chair leg that's been bugging you for months.
  11. I guess you could use it for it's intended purpose... though I'd suggest some porn and a good stretching routine beforehand
  12. Replace that baseball bat you keep beside the bed to ward off intruders - They'll take one look at the 12" rubber dick and either collapse from laughter, or run in fear - especially if you have it attached to a harness at the time *insert little devil smiley here*
  13. Why don't you leave me your favourite idea in the comments :)


30 comments:

No Nonsense Girl said...

LMAO!!! I was going to say the dildo could/should be used to get an orgasm but I saw how huge that thing is and I wouldn't put anywhere near my panties. Ha Ha Ha!!!!

I'd use it to traumatize the parishionners in a meeting at church. ;) (I'm EVIL!!!!! ) The look on their face would be priceless.

What ya think? :)

Aline de Chevigny said...

LOL I love this list. But all I can think of is a back massager LOL

Now we know why I don't write hard core erotica LOL

Aline

Dee Shore said...

LOL! Love the leg replacement one!

Blue Momma said...

I'm thinking you could use it as a meat mallet, to pound chicken breasts. Of course, all puns intended.

This is the most unusual TT I've run across so far! I'll be back next week..

Anne Douglas said...

Oooh, scaring church goers and a meat mallet - now why didn't I think of those, I was trying to figure out something else cooking aligned, too!

Thank you for stopping by everyone and enjoying my oddly themed tt13 :)

Mackenzie S Cameron said...

That was insanely funny!

Mac

tommiea said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard...and I really needed a good laugh tonight.

I think I get a bye since my husband has been deployed for the last 360 days.....

Amanda Young said...

How about a dashboard ornament? Hang it from the rearview mirror, maybe? lmao. Cute TT.

Jackie said...

OMG that made my night!!! Just fabulous!!!!!!!!

happy TT!

Journeywoman said...

So glad I didn't open this one at work.

Made me laugh so much. I suppose my addition would be to have it in your hand when a Jehovahs Witness comes to the door.

Nicholas said...

Of course, a woman could just leave one of those lying about to give her boyfriend a dreadful inferiority complex!

Candy said...

that was a hysterical list! thanks... i had a good laugh. can't think of anything else to use it for though, lol! :o)

Xakara said...

I cannot tell you how much it cracks me up that it's a business tax write off. LOL.

I like the idea of answering the door to the Jehovah Witness with it in hand. That was a good suggestion.

Since it's taken I'll go with setting it out on the coffee table as a conversation starter. How much fun is to be had all depends on who you're talking to. :)

~X

Rhian / Crowwoman said...

holy hell Anne!! That was freakin' hilarious! I think i could use it in my next parade - tie some streamers to it and use it to lead the Goddesses as we tromp around in costumes. I might even manage twirling it without poking my eye out...maybe.

Lisa Andel said...

Heavy huh? So it probably wouldn't make a good hat. I need more caffeine.

rhet said...

Colour me naive, but what is a good Kiwi doing with that Aussie thing?
Oh wait a minute, you said dildo not dingo.
Nevermind

LA Day said...

Great list!

If it's actually 12 inches you could use it for measuring at Home Depot. Think how intimidated the salesmen would be.

Michelle Hasker said...

LOL
Great list Anne
Great comments everyone.
Hmm something not already used...
What if I let my youngest use it as a baseball bat at the next family gathering. >:)

Ann Aguirre said...

It'd be great for scaring teenage girls who are curious about sex.

Imagine their LOLCat faces.

"Manpart goes where??"

Denise Patrick said...

Man, I shouldn't have read this at work!! It was too funny!

Happy TT!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'm big on the back massager. No pun intended...

Another idea might be to replace your hand brake in your car with it. Quite the conversation piece when people see it and you've got a good excuse to be fingering it all the time...

Damozel said...

I like the Home Depot suggestion.

Or you could just take it to a football game or other testosterone-fueled events and slowly and deliberately hack it to bits. Imagine the discomfort of the onlookers!

*Rae* said...

OMG lol I love your list this was down right hilarious I say use it for a road cone people would surely slow down to look at it lol

Celia Kyle said...

You are having entirely too much fun with that dildo dear and not in the way that it was intended. LOL

Anonymous said...

Qqdwqdsaas ascaassc fdrewe:
3/4; Ohio and Mississippi at 38 3/4. Cowperwood's house had scarcely any
had failed to establish herself socially. Perhaps that had something

Anonymous said...

[url=http://dartfrogconnection.com/vforum/member.php?67644-invarmenefeab]kasyno gry automaty[/url] hazard online w polsce hyatt poker [url=http://www.divevmf.ru/forum2/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=254]darmowe kasyno online[/url] ruletka on line poker nauka [url=http://www.rozbity.pl/forum/profile.php?id=55066]darmowe gry hazardowe owocowki[/url] gry hazardowe online hotspot maszyny kasyno [url=http://dg-forum.ru/index.php?showuser=19020]kasyno online polskie[/url] bingo klub gry kasyno maszyny [url=http://register.star.be/ignsupportforum/index.php?showuser=78683]kasyno online darmowe[/url] darmowa ruletka gra poker online za darmo [url=http://www.diwakwak.com/forum/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=2323]hazard[/url] ruletka prawdopodobieństwo hazard uzależnienie [url=http://www.marco25.altervista.org/ipb/index.php?s=99982f6b6b6f5319df247d5d02bd553a&showuser=200091]darmowe gry hazardowe jednoręki bandyta[/url] poker 5 kart online hazard automaty [url=http://forum.velo.nb.ca/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=283]kasyno online automaty[/url] darmowy holdem poker francuska ruletka [url=http://www.zarco.net/for1/index.php?action=profile;u=51931]kasyno przez internet[/url] poland poker poker na kase

Anonymous said...

http://www.dress-soul.ru -Nash Internet magazin predostavljaet ogromnoe raznoobrazie klubnoj odezhdy, zhenskaja i muzhskaja odezhda, futbolki, rejv odezhdu, a tak zhe cvetnye prikol'nye futbolki i majki, kofty s dlinnym rukavom, klubnye tolstovki, plat'ja, jarkie muzhskie zhiletki, panamki, archetypal'nye shtany, cvetnye sumki, klubnuju atributiku dlja raznoobraznyh tematicheskih vecherinok.Aksessuary.Chasy,soks,bejdzh.
http://dress-soul.ru/ Our online store offers a huge variety of club clothes, women's and men's clothing, shirts, rave clothing, as well as colored funny t-shirts and tank tops, blouses with long sleeves, club sweatshirts, dresses, bright men's vests, panamki, original pants, colorful handbags, club memorabilia for a variety of thematic vecherinok.Aksessuary.Chasy, socks, name badge.

Anonymous said...

http://dress-soul.ru/index.php?categoryID=9092 -Nash Internet magazin predostavljaet ogromnoe raznoobrazie klubnoj odezhdy, zhenskaja i muzhskaja odezhda, futbolki, rejv odezhdu, a tak zhe cvetnye prikol'nye futbolki i majki, kofty s dlinnym rukavom, klubnye tolstovki, plat'ja, jarkie muzhskie zhiletki, panamki, archetypal'nye shtany, cvetnye sumki, klubnuju atributiku dlja raznoobraznyh tematicheskih vecherinok.Aksessuary.Chasy,soks,bejdzh.
http://dress-soul.ru/ Our online store offers a huge variety of club clothes, women's and men's clothing, shirts, rave clothing, as well as colored funny t-shirts and tank tops, blouses with long sleeves, club sweatshirts, dresses, bright men's vests, panamki, original pants, colorful handbags, club memorabilia for a variety of thematic vecherinok.Aksessuary.Chasy, socks, name badge.

Anonymous said...

Security in all walks of life is essential for peace of mind. Security on the Internet is becoming more and more critical every day because of the increased amount and intelligence of ‘newborn’ hackers. Web hosting security is essential, especially if you have a website that sells products, and logs people’s details on your system. Remember, if your login details are compromised, then all of the login details that have been entered into your site are compromised. If this happens, all of their financial details will be compromised.

Hackers target [url=http://webhostingreview.info/]web hosts[/url] because there is huge money in the industry if the hackers compromise the right person’s details. Hundreds of login details can hold thousands of websites, thousands of websites have millions of people’s details on them, and millions of peoples details are worth billions of pounds, therefore, when there are billions of pounds involved, there will always be people that try and gain a highly illegal advantage.

Understanding the potential problems with security and viruses for your [url=http://webhostingreview.info/]web hosting[/url] system is essential to stopping any problems. This is an element that you need to make sure you read up on, as not reading up on this information can lead to your downfall.

One of the ways to stop leaving a trace of your actions on your system is to buy some secure third party software that safely gets rid of your information you no longer require. Many companies and individuals alike think that wiping your cookies and your hard drive may be enough to stop potential hackers. Hackers have advanced techniques that can recover your information even if you have wiped it from your system, therefore, having the best third party software is essential to block out even the most advanced of hackers.

Viruses are one of the few downfalls of the computer and the Internet industry. Trojans are one of the most circulated viruses and one of the most dangerous to your system. Not only are they the most dangerous but they are one of the hardest to eliminate. A Trojan installs on your system, and allows the hacker to have access to your computer; this can then allow them to install a keylogger which is dangerous to a web host. A keylogger allows the hacker to see every key that you are pressing; this means your web hosting login details will be seen the next time you login to your system. Remember, this is just one of the viruses that can compromise your web host, there are plenty of others, and they are not terribly pleasant either.

To make sure none of the above takes place, you need to protect your system. In life if you are in danger, then you do not just sit back and do nothing. Buying third party software to protect your web hosting package is a must, especially if you take card details as a form of payment. Also, making sure you use a web host that has some of the best security features online is another must for your web host company.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.xrumermaster.com]xrumer[/url]