Wednesday, October 03, 2007

13 Things a 12" dildo could be used for...

An x rated Thursday 13:

13 things you could use a 12" dildo for...

  1. A doorstop - more specifically for the bedroom. One look at that baby and you'd either be hot to trot, or develop a constant, vicious "headache"
  2. A book end - buy a second one, maybe one that vibrates and set them either side of your erotica collection
  3. Hammer nails - After all, 'His cock was hard enough to hammer nails' has to be used copiously in romance novels for a reason
  4. A rolling pin - it's about the right size, and all that veining would give your pastry a lovely textured finish
  5. Which leads into: Back Massager. A little bit of lotion, a little bit of elbow grease ... YOUR BACK, people, your back ... sheesh, all your minds are in the gutter!
  6. A dog chew toy - all that rubbery goodness, and it's the perfect size to fit a big, slobbery doggy mouth around
  7. That suckers heavy, you can use it in your daily exercise regime as a hand weight - thought it's that damn long you could use two and wrap them around an ankle for a leg weight and hit the street. Should be worth a few sniggers and shocked looks from the grannies and moms with the trendy running strollers. (I'll let you decide who's gasping and sniggering)
  8. Bash the SO around the head when he fails to get you off before he starts snoring. I can see the headlines now - a mad rash of dildo deaths around the world...
  9. Paperweight - did I mention how heavy that sucker is?
  10. Use it to replace that broken chair leg that's been bugging you for months.
  11. I guess you could use it for it's intended purpose... though I'd suggest some porn and a good stretching routine beforehand
  12. Replace that baseball bat you keep beside the bed to ward off intruders - They'll take one look at the 12" rubber dick and either collapse from laughter, or run in fear - especially if you have it attached to a harness at the time *insert little devil smiley here*
  13. Why don't you leave me your favourite idea in the comments :)


30 comments:

Addicted to crafting said...

LMAO!!! I was going to say the dildo could/should be used to get an orgasm but I saw how huge that thing is and I wouldn't put anywhere near my panties. Ha Ha Ha!!!!

I'd use it to traumatize the parishionners in a meeting at church. ;) (I'm EVIL!!!!! ) The look on their face would be priceless.

What ya think? :)

Aline de Chevigny said...

LOL I love this list. But all I can think of is a back massager LOL

Now we know why I don't write hard core erotica LOL

Aline

Dee Shore said...

LOL! Love the leg replacement one!

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking you could use it as a meat mallet, to pound chicken breasts. Of course, all puns intended.

This is the most unusual TT I've run across so far! I'll be back next week..

Anne D said...

Oooh, scaring church goers and a meat mallet - now why didn't I think of those, I was trying to figure out something else cooking aligned, too!

Thank you for stopping by everyone and enjoying my oddly themed tt13 :)

Mackenzie S Cameron said...

That was insanely funny!

Mac

tommie said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard...and I really needed a good laugh tonight.

I think I get a bye since my husband has been deployed for the last 360 days.....

Amanda Young said...

How about a dashboard ornament? Hang it from the rearview mirror, maybe? lmao. Cute TT.

Jackie said...

OMG that made my night!!! Just fabulous!!!!!!!!

happy TT!

Anonymous said...

So glad I didn't open this one at work.

Made me laugh so much. I suppose my addition would be to have it in your hand when a Jehovahs Witness comes to the door.

Anonymous said...

Of course, a woman could just leave one of those lying about to give her boyfriend a dreadful inferiority complex!

candyQ said...

that was a hysterical list! thanks... i had a good laugh. can't think of anything else to use it for though, lol! :o)

Anonymous said...

I cannot tell you how much it cracks me up that it's a business tax write off. LOL.

I like the idea of answering the door to the Jehovah Witness with it in hand. That was a good suggestion.

Since it's taken I'll go with setting it out on the coffee table as a conversation starter. How much fun is to be had all depends on who you're talking to. :)

~X

Rhian said...

holy hell Anne!! That was freakin' hilarious! I think i could use it in my next parade - tie some streamers to it and use it to lead the Goddesses as we tromp around in costumes. I might even manage twirling it without poking my eye out...maybe.

Lisa Andel said...

Heavy huh? So it probably wouldn't make a good hat. I need more caffeine.

Anonymous said...

Colour me naive, but what is a good Kiwi doing with that Aussie thing?
Oh wait a minute, you said dildo not dingo.
Nevermind

LA Day said...

Great list!

If it's actually 12 inches you could use it for measuring at Home Depot. Think how intimidated the salesmen would be.

Michelle Hasker said...

LOL
Great list Anne
Great comments everyone.
Hmm something not already used...
What if I let my youngest use it as a baseball bat at the next family gathering. >:)

Ann Aguirre said...

It'd be great for scaring teenage girls who are curious about sex.

Imagine their LOLCat faces.

"Manpart goes where??"

Denise Patrick said...

Man, I shouldn't have read this at work!! It was too funny!

Happy TT!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'm big on the back massager. No pun intended...

Another idea might be to replace your hand brake in your car with it. Quite the conversation piece when people see it and you've got a good excuse to be fingering it all the time...

Anonymous said...

I like the Home Depot suggestion.

Or you could just take it to a football game or other testosterone-fueled events and slowly and deliberately hack it to bits. Imagine the discomfort of the onlookers!

*Rae* said...

OMG lol I love your list this was down right hilarious I say use it for a road cone people would surely slow down to look at it lol

Celia Kyle said...

You are having entirely too much fun with that dildo dear and not in the way that it was intended. LOL

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